


Déjà Vu

by rotKaiserin



Series: Hybrid [1]
Category: Joker Game (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Appearances from the other spies, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-05
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-08-29 02:59:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8472844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rotKaiserin/pseuds/rotKaiserin
Summary: (you've got me played by you --)Four missed encounters between Kaminaga and Miyoshi and the one time they finally meet (again).





	1. Kaminaga I: Love at Second Sight

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to @_ziziwoww on twitter, this fic is now available in Thai! If you're interested or know anyone who would be interested, feel free to check it out [here](https://writer.dek-d.com/dek-d/writer/view.php?id=1559839)!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (fic title inspired by this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzbTKB7xxtg))
> 
> me, sobbing, buried underneath 528952 drafts of this: pls just take this
> 
> jokes aside, hello again! o/ aah this is one of the fics I've been working on and even though I'm still not sure about it, I've put way too much effort to not post it _(:3 」∠)_ This was originally supposed to be a oneshot but the idea just grew and grew and it became this :') Not much to say besides I kinda toyed with making this a sort of Soulmate AU as well (inspired by [ this post](http://i-vongola.tumblr.com/post/150401237218/happy-birthday-sousuke-soulmateau-where)), but it's not written with that in mind even though it happens to fit the idea. This also the Kaminaga and Miyoshi as childhood friends headcanon and some of my own for the other fic I'm working on and such so *finger guns*
> 
> This is crossposted on my [tumblr](http://dollofdeath.tumblr.com/post/152749337532/d%C3%A9j%C3%A0-vu-19). Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy~! (=ﾟωﾟ)ﾉ

_When the man who would be named Kaminaga volunteered for the D-Agency, he knew exactly what he was getting into. He was more than willing to abandon his former identity in exchange for a life lived constantly on the edge, a life where he had no attachments save for his mission, a life where no one truly knew who he was. Maybe he'd built up some sort of romanticized vision of being a spy, but whatever it entailed was better than the life he had been living. He went in with absolutely no regrets._

_(Though, perhaps there_ was _one person he'd miss. But this was what he'd chosen and he was ready to stick by his choice. Time would ease the pain, surely.)_

_On the first day of training, he'd walked into the assigned location with his head held high and his hands in his pockets -- confident with a laid back air. There were already quite a few men there and though he smiled at everyone he met eyes with, he sized them up in his head. Of course, first impressions may be wrong but he didn't think much of his peers-to-be so far._

_He spotted an empty seat towards the middle and was about to take it when he noticed the person occupying the chair directly in front. Somehow he couldn't call to mind the image of the man's face, but he recognized those red-brown locks of his and the way he held himself. He could only imagine him looking at the others, his eyes following every move they made and judging them just as he was mere moments ago. How funny it was that the one person he'd thought he'd never see again was but a footstep away._

_Trying to keep his expression as neutral as possible, he redirected himself to a seat towards the back. He would make himself known to him -- just not under the current circumstances. What fun would it be to just sit down and act like strangers? He'd catch him later, without everyone watching them._

_As he sat down, he flashed his seat mate a smile whom returned it. On the table was a manilla folder, which he promptly took and read the contents over. Though it was brief, he only half paid attention to it as his eyes drifted up every so often to look at the familiar man._

_"You seem troubled," his seat mate said._

_A "prideful playboy" the file told him to be, so a prideful playboy he would be. He responded without missing a beat, the role coming easily to him._

_"'Troubled?' I prefer the term 'solicitous.' It sounds a lot more appealing to the ladies that way, no?"_

_"I suppose the mature type is popular." His seatmate held his hand out to him. "I'm Tazaki. And you are?"_

_"Kaminaga," he told him, for that was what he read in the document. He gave Tazaki's hand a shake and they settled into some small talk as they waited for the class to begin. In the back of his mind, Kaminaga wondered what name was given to the man he knew._

_He'd later learn it was Miyoshi. He thought it fit him perfectly._

* * *

Kaminaga first saw the man from his dreams -- his memories -- on the first day of the new school year.

Already in his third year of university, he walked up the stairs of the train station with a sluggish gait. He really shouldn't have stayed up so late, but living with Amari and Tazaki sometimes meant impromptu movie nights; it was just his bad luck that he was the only one of them stuck with a nine o'clock class.

Now he was used to running on a few hours of sleep, but he had a restless night. Visions of his past had kept him up. He could usually handle them, but last night was particularly bad. It wasn't that the memories themselves were (although there were a fair amount of bad ones), it was just that he'd dreamed of _him_ again _._

When he was younger, it was just sensations of déjà vu. As he got older, it was recollections that eventually manifested in his dreams. It was easy for him to remember the other spies. When he dreamed of them, it was like he was simply reliving his memories. But when it came to _him_ , it was like he'd gone through drug desensitization all over again. The moments spent with him were clear, but he couldn't actually see his face as it was blurred beyond recognition. Yet somehow he knew it was him every time he saw him.

When Kaminaga woke up, he yearned. He yearned for him. He yearned to be at his side again. It was these dreams that he looked forward to the most.

He looked around the train station, the scene reminiscent of the memory he had last night. As he walked through the crowd, he greeted the people he knew but didn't stick around for any conversations. It was a routine he'd long gotten used to, but it still felt like something -- someone -- was missing. Not once in this lifetime had Kaminaga seen any sign of him _,_ but that never stopped him from looking for him whenever he could.

It was then that his eyes fell upon one particular man and his breathing hitched. He rubbed his eyes to make sure he wasn't seeing things, to make sure he still wasn't dreaming.

 _Miyoshi_.

While he'd always imagined what it would be like to see him again, he didn't expect to see him here of all places. Miyoshi stood halfway across the train platform from him. His posture was perfectly straight and his arms were crossed, emitting that pompous air he always had. In his ears were earbuds, and he could only guess what song was making his foot tap along to it. If only his eyes were open, so Kaminaga could finally see how they looked like, but he couldn't deny the beauty of the winged eyeliner and the way his gold eyeshadow shimmered in the morning sun.

When Kaminaga finally remembered to breathe, he made a decision. He was going to talk to him.

He clapped his cheeks, waking himself up a little. Then he fixed his hair up and straightened out his clothes, trying to make himself as presentable as possible. Putting on his most charming smile, the same one that made all the girls he flirted with swoon, Kaminaga made his way over.

As he walked, he went over the possible ways he could greet him. While he'd like to pick things up where they'd left off, there was always the chance that Miyoshi didn't remember him. He knew from experience that not everyone remembered completely at first (the incident with Tazaki's pigeons is one he'll never forget) and didn't want to scare him off. Not to mention, that man might not actually be Miyoshi.

His steps slowed down.

That man might not actually be Miyoshi.

Looking at him now, he was exactly how Kaminaga remembered him. That probably didn't mean much, as his face was always a blur in his dreams, but Kaminaga _knew_. He knew those red-brown locks that framed his face perfectly and those red, red lips just like he knew that short stature and the way he held himself with pride. There was no way he _couldn't_ be Miyoshi.

But as Kaminaga learned in his previous life, one should prepare for every single possibility.

He continued walking, his steps more determined though less so than when he'd originally started. Even if that man wasn't really Miyoshi, he was still very handsome. Call him superficial, but he wouldn't mind getting to know him. If something romantic came out of it, then all the better.

Closer and closer, he was getting to him and he felt his hands grow clammy. Nervousness wasn't a feeling he was too familiar with, and it was even more ridiculous given the fact that this was just Miyoshi. Although, maybe the fact that it _was_ Miyoshi was reason enough. Kaminaga had never met anyone -- in this life nor the last -- who could compare to him. Still, he carried on. Miyoshi would think him a fool if he saw him nervous.

Finally, he was a few meters away from him. Finally, he could get to see him in reality. Finally, he would --

"Hey, jackass."

As Hatano stepped into his line of vision, Kaminaga fought back a groan. Hatano was his friend, but Miyoshi was right _there._ He could've easily shoved Hatano to the side, but he wasn't an asshole. Besides, it seemed like Miyoshi hadn't noticed he was there yet. This could give him some time to prepare himself more.

"Hatano! What are you doing here?"

"I have a class at nine."

"Ah~ that's right. That explains those eye bags of yours. Nervous about your first day of uni?" He asked, pointing at said eye bags.

Hatano scowled, swatting his hand away.

"I'm not nervous about anything. My dad's just breathing down my neck about it, is all."

"Sure, sure," he said, dropping the topic. Hatano's dad was a touchy subject in both lives.

"You're such a big boy now. You've grown so quickly." Kaminaga wiped away an imaginary teardrop. "Hey! You know, you never told me your schedule."

"Ugh, this is exactly why I didn't tell you! I don't need you acting like some kinda doting parent. Amari's bad enough already."

"Aw, come on~ I just want to make sure you're doing okay."

They continued like that but throughout the conversation, Kaminaga would often glance in Miyoshi's direction. Miyoshi fidgeted about, a contrast to his previous proud demeanor, and he resisted the urge to laugh. When was the last time he'd seen Miyoshi show some sort of anxiety? He couldn't help but wonder what had gotten him like that. More importantly, he couldn't help but wonder why Miyoshi hadn't noticed him yet.

It wasn't until the train arrived that his image of him was finally complete. Red-brown eyes met his own and the world around him stopped. Hatano's voice grew faint and he couldn't even hear the sounds of the train pulling in. All of the people on the platform disappeared completely and it was like only the two of them existed.

Miyoshi stared at him with wide eyes, the rush of the train blowing his hair back like a model's. If only Kaminaga were quick enough, then he'd take his camera out to capture this image. Like a cat communicating its affection, Miyoshi blinked slowly. Then he was gone, boarding the train like he hadn't seen Kaminaga in the first place. Suddenly everything resumed, people clamoring onto the train as the automated announcements rang through, yet Kaminaga couldn't move his feet. If not for Hatano dragging him in, he would've missed the train completely.

"You all right? You completely zoned out there," Hatano asked once they've boarded.

"It's nothing," he said, his senses slowly coming back to him. "Just thought I saw something."

Hatano gave him an incredulous look, but resumed their earlier conversation. Kaminaga wasn't totally into it though, as his thoughts drifted off to the man he'd just seen.

He had no doubts now. That man was definitely Miyoshi. And Kaminaga had just missed his chance.

* * *

When Kaminaga arrived at the train station that afternoon, he'd been hoping to see Miyoshi again. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case. There was no sign of his red-brown locks nor his fox-like eyes nor his red lips anywhere amongst the crowd. As disappointing as it was, it was probably better that way. He'd made plans to go home with Hatano anyways, though Hatano would probably be glad to get rid of him.

After making sure that Miyoshi really wasn't there, he turned his search to Hatano. He spotted him easily, leaning against a pole away from the crowd. In his hands was a magazine and when he squinted, Kaminaga could make out the word "Tulip" written on the cover in a fancy font.

 _Tulip._ Now where did he hear that one before? He then noticed the cutesy illustration of a girl, complete with sparkles and all. Right. He was gonna have fun with this. As quietly as he could, Kaminaga approached Hatano from behind.

"What'cha reading there?"

Never before had he seen Hatano move so quickly, slamming the magazine shut at breakneck speed. Whipping around, Hatano tried to shove it into his backpack, giving him a death glare in the process.

"W-What the hell!? Don't just sneak up on people like that!"

Kaminaga laughed, to which Hatano punched him in the stomach. His laughter only intensified.

"T-There's nothing wrong with liking shoujo manga, you know? It's okay to be in touch with your feminine side --"

"I'm not -- I'm not reading it because of that!" He looked away from Kaminaga, his face red. "There's just this one manga in there and it's barely shoujo! There's a lot of blood and violence and it just... it just reminds me of someone."

"And who's this someone, hm?"

Hatano didn't answer immediately.

"...The author is some guy named Kunio."

"Kunio?" By now, Kaminaga had calmed down and was starting to feel the effects of Hatano's punch. "Like... Morishima Kunio?"

The name itself held no meaning to either of them, but the person who once went by that alias did.

"...Yeah."

"How can you be sure it's really him?"

"I'm not." He pursed his lips. "But it seems like something he'd be interested in."

Hatano grew quiet, the blush on his face dying down. He still wasn't looking at him though, his eyes taking on a far away look. As far as Kaminaga knew, Hatano had gotten all his memories back. But in that moment, it was like he was trying to remember something. Or someone, rather.

"Hey, Hatano."

"Yeah?"

"If you saw that person again, would you talk to him?"

Hatano scoffed, as if the question insulted his intelligence.

"Of course I would. Why wouldn't I?"

"What if he didn't remember you? Or it was just someone who looked like him?"

This time, Hatano hesitated.

"I still would. Because it would still be him even if he didn't remember, right?" He paused. "And if it was just someone who looked like him... well then, it wouldn't matter. I could still be his friend."

Then Hatano turned back to him.

"What's with you today?" He asked. "You're asking some pretty deep questions."

It was a second too slow to be a natural reaction, but Kaminaga gave an exaggerated pout.

"I can be deep."

Hatano gave him a look, to which Kaminaga dropped his act.

"I just... saw someone I knew today."

Hatano's eyes widened before settling into a look of understanding.

"Do you wanna... talk about it?" He sounded rather awkward trying to offer support, but it was appreciated nonetheless.

For a moment, Kaminaga considered it. While a part of him wanted to bemoan his missed chance, he could imagine Miyoshi calling him "pathetic" for it. Imaginary or not, he couldn't let him have that on him, now could he?

He shook his head.

"No. Not yet, at least." Turning to him, he grinned. "I don't wanna jinx anything, so I'll tell you all about it once I've met him properly."

Hatano snorted, though a smirk grew on his face.

"Whatever you say. Just don't screw things up."

And Kaminaga wouldn't. He couldn't -- not with Miyoshi involved. He was going to talk to Miyoshi the next time he saw him and there _definitely_ would be a next time. He'd make it happen if he had to. Nothing would stop him then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u have 8 chapters to go, ganbatte kaminaga-kun wwww
> 
> anyways, there it is y'all *jazz hands*
> 
> No promises on a consistent update schedule, but the second chapter is already written. I'm in the process of writing the third but haha you know what, uni is certainly a thing :') I'm trying to sort of write these in pairs, so if one goes up, expect one the following week ovo If anything, updates will be on Friday nights (EST/GMT -5 or is it -4 idek daylight saving time is ending soon) ouo


	2. Miyoshi I: Heart Pounding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The second first encounter, from Miyoshi's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dang. i always feel like my interpretation of miyoshi is kinda weird, but i think this is the weirdest so far but ah ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ Hope you guys will like this as well!! ♪( ´▽｀)

_Miyoshi, as he would be named, was the type to make a choice and never look back. When he'd volunteered for the D-Agency, he gave up his life of affluence and ease and while most wouldn't dream of giving up such things, he'd grown tired of them. Everything was handed to him and the life planned out for him did nothing but bore him. Spoiled as he was, he was groomed for success and there was no success to be found in idleness._

_He'd been given a new name, a new personality, and a new meaning on his first day of training and he tried to take it all in as well as he could. Certainly he slipped into the role of Miyoshi the narcissist easily and started determining who was worth his time just as quickly -- it was no different than his father's business parties. But, as annoying as it was, he had the sudden realization he was truly alone for the first time._

_The person he'd looked to for support was no longer with him but he knew he'd had to leave him behind along with everything else. He was prepared to do just that, as reluctant as he was. Reluctance wasn't like him though, so he pushed his feelings into the very depths of his mind. He had other things to focus on now._

_The introductory class dragged for him, the words of Lieutenant Colonel Yuuki teasing him of what was to come. He'd much rather be out there and_ doing _the training, not sitting here and being lectured like a school student. But he reminded himself that his impatience wouldn't get him anywhere and so he listened as well as he could. Finally, when it was over, he waited until the majority of his peers were gone to take his own leave._

_"Hello there." He heard someone say as he stood up._

_He'd yet to turn around, but Miyoshi found the voice to be familiar -- intimately so. Once it'd been loud and brash, but matured into a proud tenor over time, something that sent chills down his spine as loathe he was to admit it. What a coincidence, he thought, that the one person he'd been ready to leave behind managed to find a way back. Keeping his composure, he faced the man._

_"Hello yourself," he said and though he couldn't see his face clearly, he recognized him. He would know that scent of cigarettes and cologne, the playful lilt in his tone, and the grin on his face -- the only thing he could make out of his visage -- from anywhere._

_"What's someone like you doing here? Someone as pretty as you doesn't seem like the type to be a spy."_

_As patronizing as his words were, there was not a hint of malice in them._

_"It's not like I have anything else better to do. And you? Someone as annoying as you doesn't seem like the type to be a spy."_

_The man placed a hand over his chest, gasping dramatically._

_"How cruel! And we've only just met."_

_Miyoshi rolled his eyes though a smile graced his lips._

_"I suppose we're the same though."_

_"Oh?"_

_"Everything is too easy. Nothing else cuts it, isn't that right?"_

_Their eyes locked together, though Miyoshi could only imagine how the man's looked like. He imagined them twinkling with a playful glint._

_"That sounds about right." He held his hand out to him. "What did you say your name was again?"_

_"Kaminaga," he said, taking his hand and giving it a firm shake. He didn't let go. "And may I have the pleasure of knowing yours?"_

_"Miyoshi." He let his own hand linger in his touch. "It's nice to meet you, Kaminaga."_

_The name was unfamiliar, but it rolled off his tongue easily._

_"Likewise, Miyoshi."_

_Kaminaga's grin was wide and clear._

* * *

Miyoshi first saw the man from his dreams -- his memories -- on his first day of college.

Just like with everything he did, Miyoshi faced it with stride. He had nothing to worry about and there was nothing _to_ worry about. While everything had changed since his last lifetime, he'd already gone through the whole ordeal once and he could go through it again. This time, he had even more concrete goals in mind, so surely he'd do even better.

Manoeuvring his way through the crowded train station, Miyoshi kept his face impassive as he tried to focus on the music playing from his earbuds. He would've preferred to take a car but his father was still upset at him and there was no way he was going to live in those dorms, so some compromises had to be made. It wasn't too bad, and he'd certainly gone through worse. It was just another matter he just had to deal with and deal with it he would.

He managed to find a less packed area in the middle of the platform, away from the upperclassmen and away from the first years. None of them were worth dealing with, what with their noisiness and their jitters. Seeing that he had some time until the train arrived, he closed his eyes, his music the only thing keeping him awake.

Last night, Miyoshi had dreamed of _him_ again. By all means, he should hate that guy for haunting his dreams as of late, for his restless nights, for the hollowness he felt in the mornings. But he didn't. In fact, he enjoyed these dreams the most. They were different than his visions of the other spies, as they were his most vivid yet hazy memories. The times spent with him were crystal clear, but for some reason Miyoshi could never see his face properly. It was like having a name at the tip of his tongue -- he knew it was him, but couldn't quite make him out. Truly it was frustrating, but being able to hear his voice and to feel his touch almost made up for it.

As he stood there, Miyoshi couldn't help but wish he was there with him. He quickly shook the thought away though, blaming it on his tiredness. Nineteen years he'd been alive and not once did he see any sign of him. He'd given up hope a long time ago, for hoping was what slackers did. It was just easier to think that he'd never see him again.

(Though, that didn't stop the feeling of disappointment that rose up when the familiar voice he heard from time to time turned out to just be a phantom of his past.)

It was when the song he'd been listening to ended that Miyoshi swore he heard that same voice again. His heart skipped a beat, like it did every time he thought _he_ was near. Despite himself, he looked up to find the source of the voice. He expected nothing, however, just like all the other times he'd looked. He inhaled sharply, easing both pains in his chest. He shouldn't be feeling this way after all this time and yet --

\-- his heart stopped altogether. His eyes landed on one particular man and he blinked once, twice, three times to make sure he wasn't seeing things.

_Kaminaga._

A few seconds passed before his heart began pounding against his chest. Taking deep breaths, Miyoshi ripped his eyes away from him, trying to stop his palpitations as best he could. Perhaps he should listen to Fukumoto and take his medication like he should, but he found that nothing could excite his heart easily. Well, nothing but Kaminaga it seemed.

When he finally calmed down, he allowed himself a quick glance towards Kaminaga. Olive brown hair and matching eyes that held a playful glint in them made his heart flutter about, but he'd live. Briefly, he entertained the possibility that this was just someone who looked like him, but the sight of that grin, wide and radiant, caused any doubts of his to disappear.

Now if only he'd just look his way.

Kaminaga was busy to talking to someone else it seemed -- a boy of even shorter stature than Miyoshi himself and an angry voice loud enough to match Kaminaga's. _Hatano,_ he was sure of it. If it were anybody else but him, he would've shoved them out of the way and steal Kaminaga's attention for himself. For now, he simply observed.

There was also the possibility that neither of them had memories of their past lives, but as Miyoshi watched Kaminaga laugh and Hatano shake his head in frustration, he dismissed that as well. What were the chances of them being friends if they hadn't? If circumstances had been different and they hadn’t needed to work together, their personalities would’ve clashed too much for them to get along. Although, speaking from personal experience, Kaminaga always did find a way to worm his way into one’s life whether they liked it or not. Regardless, Miyoshi made a mental note to tell Jitsui about a certain someone later. He was sure to find it interesting, to say the least.

After figuring out the best mode of approach, Miyoshi squared his shoulders and uncrossed his arms. He was ready to go over there and talk to them. It shouldn't be a difficult feat anyways; it was just a matter of being reacquainted.

But it was then that the train rushed by and suddenly olive brown irises bore into his own. They were ones he'd wanted to see for the longest time and they were ones he was all too familiar with. But for the second time that day, his heart stopped. His steps faltered and he was fortunate for the rush of wind that came with the train because he had difficulty breathing. His extremities grew cold, numbness washing over him. When his heart began working again, it hammered against his chest. Slowly, he closed his eyes to keep himself from being overwhelmed. Even then, the image of Kaminaga staring at him with a slack jaw burned into his mind. Hastily, he turned to board the train, getting away from his nerves, getting away from Kaminaga.

As the doors closed behind him, he cursed himself. Damn this body he'd been born into. And damn that Kaminaga for making him feel this way.

* * *

The rest of the day was uneventful, not that he expected much in the first place. His professors seemed fairly knowledgeable and his classmates weren't completely incompetent, so it wasn't that bad. The only disappointing thing was that he didn't see Kaminaga again. He thought -- hoped, even -- that he would've at least caught sight of him on the train ride home, but it didn't seem to be.

"I'm home," he said, upon returning to his apartment. The sight of Jitsui at the kotatsu surrounded by papers and drawing utensils greeted him.

"Welcome home," Jitsui said, sparing him a glance.

"My." He took a seat across from Jitsui. "Did you even go to school today?"

"Why wouldn't I? I got home early is all it is."  

"Right. I just don't want you dragging behind in your school work, _Kunio-sensei_."

Jitsui smiled one of his infamous smiles at the use of the title.

"Are you doubting me?"

"Of course not; you're one of the most capable people I know. I'm just concerned," he said, though he didn't actually sound concerned.

"You? Concerned?" There was amusement in Jitsui's voice.

"It's one of my father's conditions after all." Just saying those words left a bitter taste in Miyoshi's mouth.

"You never struck me as the type to care about other people's orders."

"I could care less about what that man wants; I just don't have the means to support myself. Not yet, anyways."

"It's amazing how all it takes is one man with money to have some control over you."

Miyoshi narrowed his eyes at him, not that Jitsui saw him. He was busy sketching away.

"It's just a minor setback."

Jitsui hummed in response.

"Things have certainly changed, haven't they?"

Miyoshi frowned, but didn't reply otherwise.

They lapsed into a silence after that, Miyoshi watching Jitsui work on the pages of his manga. Under normal circumstances, Jitsui would ask him to help but after Miyoshi had seen the hell Jitsui put Sakuma and Odagiri, he made it one of the conditions -- his personal condition -- for when they lived together that he not be dragged into it. Ever. He much preferred to watch the creative process than slave over the product itself. He also had to admit, it was interesting to see Jitsui's hand work, his hand gliding across the paper. This time around, he was creating a scene of a group of four entrapped in a building.

"I saw something interesting today," Miyoshi said, breaking the quiet. "Two somethings, actually."

"Is that so?"

"Hatano --" Jitsui froze. "-- and Kaminaga."

Jitsui looked up at him, failing to remain straight-faced.

"Are you sure it was them?"

"I wouldn't have told you if I wasn't."

How amusing it was to see different emotions flash through Jitsui's face then. Confusion, realization, longing. Miyoshi would've never been able to see that back in D-Agency. He wouldn't have been allowed to understand such feelings back in D-Agency.

"How were they?" Jitsui finally asked. Though he kept his tone even, Miyoshi heard the underlying shakiness.

"I don't know." He paused. "I... didn't get the chance to talk to them."

Surely Jitsui noticed his hesitation, but he didn't call him out on it.

"That's unfortunate. But they must be around here, shouldn't they?" He slowly resumed sketching. "I suppose you'll just have to find out next time you see them, then."

Next time.

Absentmindedly, Miyoshi brought his hand to his chest, where his heart was beating normally now. He hadn't had an attack like that since he was a child, but he never thought too much of them then. He shouldn't let it get to him now either. He'd be damned if he let Kaminaga see him like this.

"Of course."

No matter how sooner or later it'd come, there would be a next time. And when next time came around, Miyoshi would definitely talk to Kaminaga and nothing would stop him. That he swore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ganbatte to you too miyoshi-kun www
> 
> Anyways that's that for the first encounter! ^u^ I've probably gone through these drafts too much that I got sick of them lol but I'm at least a bit more excited for the next part haha Hopefully they'll be up within the next three weeks but ahem-hem-hem, a preview for now:
> 
> _"Miyoshi." Yuuki's voice rang. "fucking punch the living daylights out of kaminaga."_
> 
> _"k"_
> 
> jk. mostly lmao this isn't the actual scene, don't worry haha if anyone's been following the manga though, the scene might be a bit familiar though ;) wwww
> 
> aah thanks for reading so far!! Have a great day/night~! (*^▽^)/★*☆♪


	3. Kaminaga II: Love Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kaminaga's flirting habits comes back to bite him in the ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again!! o/ I'm here to update sooner than I expected but I was kinda excited for this encounter and so here I am! Plus I'm about to get loaded with work and stuff so haha,,,
> 
> The opening scene is based off of [sekinosemimaru's translations](http://sekinosemimaru.tumblr.com/post/151106375338/joker-game-the-animation-chapter-9) of Ch. 9 of the Joker Game manga. Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy!! (*ﾟ◇ﾟ)

_Splitting one's consciousness into multiple levels was easy enough -- it was just a matter of prioritizing the information one held. Truth serum, on the other hand, was more trouble than Kaminaga expected. When Yuuki approached him, he didn't look at the syringe in his hand with fear nor did he flinch when he was injected._ _The first few minutes weren't so bad. No amount of drugs could get him to spill anything out so easily, he'd thought. Then the effects of the serum kicked in._

_"Dissociation" was the only way he could describe the experience. It was like he wasn't in his body, becoming hyper aware of the fact that he was sitting in a chair but he couldn't truly register that he was_ in _the chair. Even the room around him seemed far out of his reach. He could vaguely note Hatano and Jitsui's presence in front of him, but couldn't completely follow their conversation. What he could make out, though, was that Jitsui hadn't been affected by the serum. That damn tiny devil._

_"Miyoshi." Yuuki's voice rang out. "Try punching him and do a cross examination."_

_Miyoshi came into view, raising his fist up to do as he'd been told. In the haziness of his mind, Kaminaga thought he saw a frown on Miyoshi's face, but it disappeared quickly. It was probably the drug making him see things anyways._

_"Don't hold a grudge against me for this, Kaminaga."_

_"I could never," is what he would've said but Miyoshi's punch came in quickly, knocking the words right out of his mouth. That was sure to bruise later, but it didn't hurt as much as it could've._

_"What kind of person is D-Agency's Lieutenant Colonel Yuuki? Answer me!"_

_Staring blankly at the space in front of him, Kaminaga said:_

_"...A sadist. A vampire that sucks blood from the youth."_

_Yuuki had no reaction, but he could feel his scrutinizing gaze on him. Kaminaga wasn't worried about what he thought, however. On Yuuki's side, Miyoshi's eyes widened and straining his ears, Kaminaga heard a small "Ah" escape Miyoshi's lips. Whether this actually happened or not, he wasn't sure since Miyoshi wore a blank expression with a blink of an eye._

_"We'll have to carefully examine if this information given is satisfactory, isn't that right, Lieutenant Colonel Yuuki?" Miyoshi asked, turning away from him._

_Yuuki responded, but Kaminaga didn't pay attention to it. He was more focused on the glances Miyoshi made towards him, although he found himself chuckling at the idea of it. Only in his drug-laden state would he think Miyoshi to be worried about him._

_"You're really out of it, huh?" He heard Hatano say._

_Before he could answer him, Miyoshi spoke up._

_"This is the same man who falls in love with every woman he sees. Did you expect anything else?"_

_"So mean, Miyoshi," Kaminaga said, his words drawled out. "That hurt even more than your punch."_

_Miyoshi's lips twitched ever so slightly._

_"You need to learn when to keep your mouth shut; you just sound like an idiot now."_

_As if to reach out to take Miyoshi's hand, Kaminaga lifted his own, but he stopped himself before he could. It dropped to his side, dangling about. His hand curled up, gripping onto thin air._

_"Only for you."_

_Miyoshi clicked his tongue._

_"Don't think I'm like those girls you're always flirting with."_

_Kaminaga only laughed, lazily and softly._

* * *

Kaminaga saw Miyoshi for the second time later that week.

Just like he had so many times before, Kaminaga dragged himself up the stairs of the train station. School had only been in session for four days and already he was exhausted. He could keep up with the school work just fine, that was no problem. Juggling his job and social life, however, caught up to him sometimes. Sure, he got along with people very well, but working as a server and dealing with all these mixers could get tiring. Not to mention, he'd been staying up to do some "research." Or rather, "attempting to" was a better way to put it.

Much to his dismay, Kaminaga hadn't seen Miyoshi ever since that encounter on Monday morning. No matter how thoroughly he searched the crowd, he couldn't find any sign of him anywhere. It got to the point where he started questioning whether or not he'd been hallucinating and so took it upon himself to look him up online.

It seemed that "Miyoshi" was a pretty popular name. And not only that, he hadn't the faintest clue as to what his surname was. He started with the basics, using Miyoshi's birth name. No results, except for some records dating back to the twenties and thirties. Kaminaga didn't dwell on those too long, as nostalgic as they made him feel.

He tried searching "Katsuhiko Maki" next. Again, no results, save for an obituary from the autumn of 1940. Kaminaga closed that tab as quickly as he could, a sinking feeling growing in his stomach. Trying to shake the feeling away, he tried combinations of the aliases Miyoshi had gone by, but still he had no results.

Then he looked up "Katsuhiko Miyoshi."

The results weren't particularly overwhelming, but Kaminaga did find something of interest. It was an article about the CEO of Katsuhiko Corporation discussing his plans for the company and his retirement in the near future; he said he wanted his son, Miyoshi, to take over when the time came. On the side, there was a picture of the two of them and Kaminaga saw fox-like eyes and red lips and he knew that was Miyoshi -- _his_ Miyoshi.

Now was he any step closer to finding him? No. That was all the information on him he could find, as much as it frustrated him. But did he find some peace of mind? Yeah. It felt nice knowing he wasn't going crazy and seeing things.

Stepping onto the train platform, Kaminaga once again looked for Miyoshi, the coffee he drank earlier making him more attentive to all the faces in the crowd. The search so far was disappointing. Of course he greeted the people he knew and gave his Charming™ smiles to the pretty girls he saw, but none of them were whom he wanted to see. The one he wanted to see had an aura that radiated "I'm better than you," had a calculating gleam in his eyes, and always managed to look effortlessly perfect (even if it actually wasn't so effortlessly).

Just like that man standing halfway across the platform.

Kaminaga nearly tripped over himself, but caught himself before he could. Miyoshi was there again today, almost like the first time he saw him. He faced away from the crowd, arms crossed and foot tapping to whatever he was listening to. Also like last time, he wasn't looking at him, but that was fine. It wouldn't hurt to catch Miyoshi off guard for once.

With an extra bounce in his steps, Kaminaga began making his way over. A grin grew on his face and his fingers twitched in anticipation. He could even feel his body shaking a little bit. Maybe he should switch to decaf; Tazaki always said caffeine made him more jittery than he needed to be. But he didn't care at that moment, because now was _finally_ his chance to talk to Miyoshi.

"Izawa!"

Or maybe not.

Suddenly, Kaminaga was pulled back and before he could question what was going on, he was face to face with some guy glowering down at him.

"Do I know you?" Kaminaga asked, not bothering with any formalities.

"Shinozaki. Nao's boyfriend."

He had to think for a moment, but he remembered Nao. She was in his Advance Visual Practice class and they'd gone on a few dates during the break. Cute girl -- not someone he'd want to start anything serious with, but it was fun flirting with her whenever he saw her.

"She said she didn't have a boyfriend...?"

"We were taking a break."

"That's not what she made it sound like."

Kaminaga wondered if it was possible for anyone to grow any redder than Shinozaki had at that moment. It was hilarious, really, how easy it seemed to rile this guy up. Before Kaminaga could say anything else, Shinozaki grabbed his collar and pulled Kaminaga towards him, staring him down. Kaminaga refused to let this guy think he was intimidating him in anyway though, and so glared right back at him.

"You stay away from her, you hear?"

"Whatever you say," he said and that seemed to placate Shinozaki. He let him go, looking more at ease now. But Kaminaga wasn't done yet.

"But she must really pity you if she came back to you."

Kaminaga grinned at the sight of Shinozaki's face contorting into some weird mix of anger and offense. He would've kept going too had it not been for Shinozaki's fist connecting to his jaw, sending him careening to the side and slamming his head smack against the pole. That wasn't the worst hit he'd ever had, but god _damn_ he was fast.

He stumbled backwards, trying to regain his equilibrium but the train station kept spinning around and black dots danced around his vision. In his peripheral, he could see Shinozaki smirking at him, that freaking bastard. He moved to face him, but his legs gave way and the ground was fast approaching. Before he could fall over, someone caught him.

"Kaminaga?"

Turning his head felt like hell, but he was glad for it because when he did, he saw Miyoshi. In fact, he saw _two_ Miyoshi's, which was great but also slightly concerning. It was difficult to look at him though, since the two figures kept converging and diverging, but somehow Kaminaga was able to make out the hint of worry on Miyoshi's face. He tried his best to smile at him, but it probably came out weaker than he wanted because moving his mouth really, _really_ hurt.

"Hey," he said, though speaking was just as painful. He opened his mouth to reassure him that he was okay, but then blackness overcame him and his body grew numb. The last thing Kaminaga felt before passing out were arms tightening around him.

* * *

When Kaminaga woke up, the first thing he noticed was that his face felt like it was on fire. There was a burning sensation in his upper jaw and his mouth was in searing pain at the slightest movement. Even moving his eyes around felt like a Herculean task. Not to mention, his head was throbbing and the bright lights did nothing to help.

The next thing he noticed was that there was white everywhere he looked -- white walls, white curtains, white bed sheets. His hands clutched the sheets underneath him and it was then that he was able to comprehend that he was laying down. To his side, he could hear someone who sounded like Tazaki speaking.

"...doctor said he'll be fine, but he'll need to be careful..."

It took Kaminaga an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize that he wasn't in the train station anymore. And just as that realization hit him, Kaminaga sprang up, his body screaming in protest.

"-- oh, he's up now. We'll see you later. Bye, I love you too."

Putting his phone away, Tazaki rushed over to his side and gently pushed him back down. Kaminaga let him, still trying to register what was going on.

"Easy there," Tazaki said. "You have a mild concussion."

"What happened?"

"I think I should be the one asking you that."

Kaminaga blinked at him.

"Right, right, just... give me a moment." He exhaled harshly. Now if only he could just remember what happened.

"Okay,  I was... at the train station. Then this Shinozaki guy -- remember Nao? He's her 'boyfriend;' he's an asshole -- came up to me and threatened me. Then he punched me and I hit my head against a pole and then... Miyoshi -- oh my God!"

He jerked back up again to which Tazaki coaxed him back down.

"Is Miyoshi here?"

Tazaki gave him a strange look.

"No. Why would he be?"

"He was there. He caught me when I fell."

"...Are you sure it was him? We haven't seen him or the others before."

Kaminaga nodded, though he really shouldn't have because the room was spinning again.

"Maybe you hit your head a little too hard."

"I'm one hundred percent certain, Tazaki. I saw him around on Monday but didn't get the chance to talk to him so I decided to make sure he was really there. I searched him up online and found him. His name is Katsuhiko Miyoshi, son of the CEO of Katsuhiko Corp."

Tapping his chin, Tazaki considered him for a moment.

"Well that explains why you've been staying up so late. I'm not sure whether I should be impressed by your dedication or call you creepy."

Kaminaga squinted at him.

"I'm _sorry_ not everyone was reborn alongside their boyfriend."

"That's a recent development," Tazaki said. Though it was meant to chide him, there was amusement in his voice. "'Boyfriend,' though?  I figured there was something between you two, but not to that extent."

"It's... complicated." Kaminaga pursed his lips. "Was. Is. I don't know."

"Complicated" was just one way to put it. They never really did define their relationship back then. Not to mention, they couldn't really _establish_ anything in the first place. All Kaminaga knew was that Miyoshi was important to him -- one of the most important people in his life.

"I think how much you care for him is all the answer you need for that." Tazaki smiled. "Besides, it's a different era. Things shouldn't be as 'complicated' now."

And he had a point. Though Kaminaga was glad to have Amari and Hatano around, he didn't know where he'd be without Tazaki. He always managed to put things into perspective.

"You're right. But now I actually just have to, y'know, talk to him."

"Didn't you find him online?"

"It's weird. I was only able to find things about him, but not actually _him_. No social media, no contact info, no nothing."

"That is strange..." Tazaki tapped his chin. "He goes to our school, doesn't he?"

"I guess so? I've only ever seen him at the train station."

"When?"

"Monday morning and this afternoon."

Tazaki hummed as he thought.

"It sounds safe to assume that he does. I'm sure you'll see him there again -- call it a spy's intuition."

"Spy, huh? And here I thought you were majoring in engineering," Kaminaga said jokingly.

"What can I say? I'm multi-talented." Tazaki shrugged. "Anyways, I'll go get the doctor now. Maybe he can do something about that giant bruise on your face."

"All ri -- wait, what?"

Without thinking, Kaminaga's hand flew to where he'd been hit, causing him to hiss in pain. Tazaki snorted.

"Don't worry. I'm sure Miyoshi will enjoy that look on you."

Before Kaminaga could say anything else, he made his way out. He stuck his tongue out at Tazaki's retreating figure just to make himself feel better and when he was completely gone, Kaminaga let himself relax into the bed. Though his head still hurt, he started coming up with his game plan.

He was off tomorrow, so that meant his hopes were riding on Monday morning. He'd find Miyoshi at the train station again and catch him by surprise. From there, they could continue like they always did and maybe he could finally ask him out on a proper date. He should probably ask Amari to help him cover up the bruise, though. He'd never hear the end of it from Miyoshi if he saw it.

Kaminaga grinned to himself. For once, he was looking forward to Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly was so tempted to title this chapter "kaminaga gets #rekt" but i'd like to maintain some semblance of professionalism lmao
> 
> aah I'd like to admit, part of the reason I updated was so I could do some shameless advertising haha I'm running a Joker Game Secret Santa, if any of you are interested! You can find more details [here](http://dollofdeath.tumblr.com/post/153146323112/joker-game-secret-santa-2016)! Anyone is welcome to join, you don't even need a tumblr account ^^ As long as you like Joker Game and are willing to create content for others, please feel welcome to participate!! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و
> 
> Thank you again so much for reading and sticking with this!! Until next week! I hope you all have a wonderful day/night!!ヾ(*´∇`)ﾉ For now, I'll leave some out-of-context previews (actual previews this time haha):
> 
>  **hataYES** @robinson05_ _is this what i think it is_  
>  **kami-sama** @hatano162 _i thought it fit the situation ok_  
>  **hataYES** @robinson05_ _u just quoted a freaking video game_
> 
> Miyoshi wasn't one to use such crass language, but fuck this.
> 
> "Fukumoto," he said, dropping himself into a seat. "I need a drink."


	4. Miyoshi II: Distant Fields

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miyoshi was cool, calm, and collected. Until he wasn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is inspired by [Sarishinohara](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6LqXN0d8sg) by Mikoto-P, but really the song itself doesn't have much to do with the chapter itself I suppose haha I just didn't want to title it _I Need a Smoke and a Drink_ because I still would like to maintain a professional image lmao
> 
> Anyways, thanks for reading!! I hope you enjoy~! ヾ(*´∇`)ﾉ

_The trainees who hadn't been injected with the truth serum were tasked with observing those who had been and while they'd mostly recovered, Miyoshi noted that it seemed that Kaminaga was still suffering from its effects. It'd been a few hours since the initial injection and the most he'd done was move to the dormitory, simply staring at the ceiling with a blank gaze as he sat on his bed. Even Hatano had long since gotten bored of making fun of him and left him alone. If he had to be honest, Kaminaga looked sort of pathetic._

_"Do you intend on sitting there the entire day?" Miyoshi asked, passing by for the umpteenth time. He wasn't worried -- he'd never say that -- but seeing Kaminaga quietly sitting there all alone was jarring to say the least._

_Slowly, Kaminaga turned his head towards him, his eyes more focused than they had been before._

_"I will once it feels like I'm actually in the room."_

_His words were clearer now, less dragged out and less prolonged._

_"Surely you're exaggerating." Miyoshi took a seat next to him._

_"Just wait until it's your turn," Kaminaga said. "If you're anything like me, it's going to be a hellish experience."_

_He certainly looked hellish. His once bright eyes were sunken in and his hair was disheveled. Not to mention, the bruise on his face -- the one Miyoshi had made -- popped out against his pallor, the blacks and blues in full bloom._

_"It's a good thing I'm nothing like you then."_

_"Ouch." Even in his current state, Kaminaga pouted. "No mercy even when I'm like this, huh?"_

_"'Mercy' isn't part of the job description."_

_Kaminaga chuckled._

_"Fair enough."_

_They lapsed into a silence after that, just looking at each other, though it was hard to say if Kaminaga was looking at him specifically. This was probably the worst Miyoshi had ever seen him -- so subdued and lethargic unlike his usual self. While he knew that he'd recover, it was still unsettling. The bruise stared at him, doing nothing to ease his feelings._

_"I'm okay," Kaminaga said, breaking the silence._

_"I never asked."_

_"You didn't have to."_

_Miyoshi pursed his lips. He was fortunate that they were alone, because he found his hand hovering over Kaminaga's bruise._

_"You need ice," was Miyoshi's response to that._

_"Get it for me?"_

_He pressed his hand against the bruise with more force than necessary, smirking as Kaminaga winced._

_"The serum only inhibited your mind the last I checked, not your legs."_

_"Such a cruel man you are. You’re really going to make someone who's incapacitated do everything himself?"_

_Instead of retorting back, Miyoshi ran his thumb over the wound. It would heal soon enough, but that didn't change the fact that it was there in the first place._

_"Fukumoto should have recovered by now," Miyoshi said, getting up while taking Kaminaga's hand in his. "Maybe he has something to help you."_

_"Ah." Kaminaga's grip on his hand tightened. "So you_ do _have a heart of gold in there somewhere."_

_Miyoshi tugged him up. Kaminaga obliged, albeit clumsily._

_"Keep saying things like that and you'll need more than ice."_

_Kaminaga grinned._

_"I don't mind if it means you'll keep taking care of me."_

_Despite himself, Miyoshi smiled as well. Then he pushed him forward._

_"Just go already."_

* * *

Miyoshi saw Kaminaga for the second time later that week -- but not in the way he expected to.

After their initial encounter, Miyoshi had pondered over his next course of action. All he knew was that Kaminaga was also around in this life, but he had nothing else to work with. It would've helped if he had something more concrete to go on, like confirmation that they went to the same school, an idea as to where he lived, or his name at the very least. Fortunately, he came across a clue on campus as he passed by a pair of girls.

"Oh! Are you going to the mixer on Friday?"

"I'm not sure. I'm pretty busy..."

"Eh? I heard Izawa-kun was gonna be there."

"I-Izawa-kun? Izawa Kaminaga?"

"Mhm~"

"I think I can fit some time into my schedule..."

"Izawa," the last name of the alias Kaminaga had gone by during his mission in London -- a fact Miyoshi remembered when he'd been handling the others' missions before being assigned his own (Never mind that he hadn't actually been in charge of Kaminaga's mission). Now there was the possibility that this wasn't the Kaminaga he had in mind, but it was too much to be a coincidence. If he'd been born Katsuhiko Miyoshi, the chances of Kaminaga being born as an Izawa were pretty high. It was nothing definite, but it was better than nothing. So when Miyoshi returned home, he searched him up online as soon as he could.

It was ridiculously easy to find him, only taking a matter of minutes to find his Instagram and Twitter, but he couldn't do much but scroll through them. His father, that prick, had blocked him from using any social media because he feared that he'd "post something bad" and "ruin the reputation of the company." Honestly, that man didn't know how to calm down. He couldn't use Jitsui's accounts either because he only used them for his Kunio persona. Not that he used them much himself anyways, but he'd rather not jeopardize Jitsui's career somehow. Merely observing would have to suffice for now.

Kaminaga's Instagram was surprisingly professional, as if it were a portfolio. Images of nature landscapes and city sceneries were mixed among portraits of pretty girls. One of the most recent pictures featured a girl turning away from the camera with a shy smile on her face, the lighting creating a soft glow to her which made her look angelic. _Nao-Nao ♥_ the caption read. Miyoshi didn't look at it for long; Kaminaga could do better.

A little further down was an image of Kaminaga, Tazaki, Amari, and Hatano posed in front of the Hachiko Statue. The caption read _w/ the fam_. Though Miyoshi was glad -- relieved, even -- to see that Amari and Tazaki were also around, seeing all of them crouched down with their hands clasped together as if praying was... unseemly. He could only guess whose brilliant idea that was.

While he took the time to look at all of Kaminaga's photography, nothing else was relevant to what he was looking for. He moved onto his Twitter account next, which appeared to be a big mess of whatever he felt like posting. Retweets of photography and memes, other pictures he'd taken, and tweets about his own life filled his timeline. Scrolling down, there was a tweet from four days ago that stood out.

 **kami-sama** _i want to line up the pieces -- yours and mine._

Out of curiosity, Miyoshi clicked on it and saw the thread that followed.

 **hataYES** @robinson05_ _is this what i think it is_

 **kami-sama**  @hatano162 _i thought it fit the situation ok_

 **hataYES** @robinson05_ _u just quoted a freaking video game_

Miyoshi quickly lost interest after that, but he kept in mind the significance of the tweet as he continued scrolling through. Not too far beneath was an image of his schedule with the words: _am i alone this semester or nah_. Faster than he'd like to admit, Miyoshi clicked on it.

Much to his disappointment, their schedules hardly coincided. They weren't even in the same buildings, as Kaminaga was a Visual Arts major. The only thing that happened to match up was that they started class at the same time on Monday and ended at the same time on Thursday.

So Miyoshi prepared himself for Thursday.

Though he was on constant lookout for Kaminaga, Miyoshi played it as cool as possible when he got to the train station. He walked leisurely, keeping his earbuds in and maintaining a neutral expression, but his eyes were constantly surveying the crowd. Perhaps he'd gotten there too early. Kaminaga didn't seem to be there yet, or maybe he was staying at school later today. Still, Miyoshi had some time until the train arrived, so he kept a constant vigil until then.

It wasn't long until he heard a loud voice -- not the voice he wanted to hear, but one that caught his attention.

"Izawa!"

Turning around, Miyoshi took out his earbuds. His heart fluttered about seeing Kaminaga again -- his back, rather -- but he decided to listen to Fukumoto for once and took his medications today so it wasn't as bad as it could've been. The only thing ruining the sight was that guy forcing himself into Kaminaga's personal space.

"Do I know you...?"

"Shinozaki. Nao's boyfriend."

Miyoshi resisted the urge to facepalm. Of _course_ Kaminaga would get into trouble over some girl. He still watched as the conflict played out, as one-sided as it was. Although, he might’ve been a tiny bit concerned for Kaminaga’s well-being.

"You stay away from her, you hear?"

"Whatever you say."

Miyoshi waited because he knew that Kaminaga wouldn't let it end like that.

"But she must really pity you if she came back to you."

And there it was.

He figured that Kaminaga was grinning at the moment, but Miyoshi was more focused with how frustrated that Shinozaki person became and how his fist clenched. The hit came sooner than Miyoshi expected. He thought Kaminaga would've been able to get a few more taunts in there before Shinozaki got more violent, but it seemed that he'd overestimated Shinozaki. Kaminaga went down as quickly as the sucker punch came, flying to the side and slamming his head against the pole. It was only as he was about to fall over that Miyoshi broke free from his stupor and rushed to catch him.

"Kaminaga?" He kept his voice as even as possible, trying to keep his breathing in check.

He could see how painful it was for him to turn his head, but Kaminaga still managed to smile at him.

"Hey."

It looked like Kaminaga was about to say more, but then his eyes rolled back and he fell face first into Miyoshi's chest. Miyoshi stared at him, simply because he wasn't sure how to react. If the situation were any different, maybe he'd find Kaminaga getting knocked out so easily amusing. But the fact was that Kaminaga's body was limp in his arms, Shinozaki stood there smirking at him, and the crowd surrounding them merely watched on. Miyoshi wasn't one to use such crass language, but fuck this.

"Don't just stand there!" He snapped -- no, ordered the nearest person. He did not snap. Snapping was what temperamental people did. "Go get some help."

The girl standing to his side jumped up with a tiny "Eep!" but otherwise did as told. With that done, he turned his attention to Shinozaki.

"Do you feel better about yourself now?"

Shinozaki's smirk faltered.

"How sad it must be to beat a guy up simply because you let a few words threaten you."

Shinozaki stepped forward, ready to throw another hit at a moment's notice. But it was Miyoshi's turn to smirk.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"What the hell do you mean?"

"We're still technically in the vicinity of the school and there are eyes and ears everywhere," he said, nodding his head towards the crowd. "If not for instigating fights, I think there's good reason to investigate your supposed relationship."

Shinozaki had no chance to respond as it was then that the paramedics came in. He wasn't worth any more of Miyoshi's time, but there was satisfaction in seeing him slink away red-faced. The feeling didn't last long as he redirected his focus to Kaminaga then. A part of him didn't want to let go of him, but he let the paramedics take him and watched as they placed him on the stretcher. Miyoshi told them what little he knew about him and what just happened, but when he moved to follow them to the ambulance, he was stopped.

"Hold on," one of the paramedics said. "What's your relationship to the patient?"

"I'm his boyfriend," Miyoshi said without missing a beat.

"Oh." The paramedic's eyes hardened. "Sorry, but only family is allowed to come along."

"I'm the closest thing to family he has right now. How else do you expect to get in contact with them?" Not that he didn't know how to either but he could figure that out later.

"Sorry, that's the rule."

"Can you at least tell me what hospital you're taking him to?" As much as Miyoshi tried to remain level-headed, some of his annoyance seeped through his tone.

"Sorry, sir," the paramedic said, practically spitting out the "sir." "We have to get going."

Without giving Miyoshi a chance to get another word in, the paramedics began wheeling Kaminaga away. Miyoshi stood there, watching as they took him farther and farther away, trying to wrap his head around the situation. He could work around being denied something. But to be denied something as simple as this made him dig his fingernails into his palms, made his mouth go dry, made his body go tense. Absentmindedly, he noted that his heart rate increased. If he were a humble person, he might admit to being frustrated.

It wasn't long before the train arrived, the crowd dispersing as if nothing had happened. The paramedics turned the corner, now out of his sight. Behind him, the train doors opened. He had a split second to make his decision. It was a no brainer, really.

"Dammit, Kaminaga," he muttered and off he went, fighting against the people clamoring onto the train to keep up with him.

* * *

Miyoshi did not perspire. He did not wheeze, he did not get cramps, nor did he trip over himself. But maybe -- just _maybe_ \-- he was tired from looking for the hospital.

He'd lost sight of the ambulance fairly quickly, but he took his phone out and looked up all the hospitals within range. The nearest one wasn't too far but when he got there, they told him that they hadn't admitted anyone named Izawa Kaminaga. Disgruntled, he went off to the second nearest hospital and was met with the same response. And it was the same with the next. And the next. And the next. And the next.

Soon enough, the sun began to set and darkness was steadily taking over. At this point, the only thing he was sure of was that Kaminaga would be okay. His injury didn't seem to warrant staying overnight or going through any procedures. By now, Kaminaga was probably discharged and here Miyoshi was in the middle of the city.

As he stood there trying to let his heart beat slow down, he noticed that he knew the area. Searching any further would be a waste of his time and energy, so Miyoshi did the next best thing. He went to a bar.

"Fukumoto," he said, plopping himself into a seat upon arrival. "I need a drink."

Fukumoto looked up from the glasses he'd been cleaning, raising an eyebrow. His lips curled down upon seeing it was Miyoshi who made the request.

"Alcohol isn't good for your health."

Taking out his wallet, Miyoshi placed some yen notes on the counter.

"I'll pay you extra."

Fukumoto didn't bat an eyelash.

"I don't think it's a good idea."

Miyoshi slid over some more yen and this time Fukumoto hesitated, taking in the amount of yen placed before him.

"Aren't you on a budget?"

"You're acting as if a budget is enough to constrain me."

Fukumoto looked at him, then back to the yen, then back to him again. He pocketed the cash before going off to get a drink.

"All right, but I'm not serving you anything too strong."

"That's fine by me."

"Bad day?" He asked, handing Miyoshi his drink.

"What makes you say that?" He took a sip, reveling in the burning sensation that ran down his throat.

"Your hair's a mess and you haven't touched up your makeup."

At his words, Miyoshi's hands immediately flew up to his hair. He ran his fingers through it, trying to comb out the tangles as best as he could, but he could still feel that his hair was all over the place. He didn't even want to take out his mirror and check out the disaster for himself. And to think that people saw him like _this_. Miyoshi clicked his tongue, hiding his scowl as he took another sip.

"It wasn't bad, per se," he said. "But some rather... upsetting things happened."

Though Fukumoto didn't respond, his attention was all on Miyoshi.

"I saw Kaminaga earlier."

"Oh, Jitsui told me something like that. And Hatano too, right?"

"That's right, but I'm talking about today."

Fukumoto nodded, encouraging him to continue.

"He was at the train station, and some guy started something with him and knocked him out."

"Kaminaga got knocked out?"

"I know it sounds ridiculous but that's not the main point." Before continuing, he took a gulp of his drink ("Slow down there."). "The paramedics came and when I tried to go with them to the ambulance, they stopped me. They said 'only family was allowed.'"

Fukumoto frowned.

"So what did you do?"

Miyoshi downed the rest of his drink. He didn't even need to ask for another one as Fukumoto was already refilling his glass.

"I followed them."

"No luck with that, I take it?"

"You could say that."

The conversation grew to a standstill there, but Miyoshi didn't mind. He finished his drink in that time, mulling over the events of the day.

"He'll be okay," Fukumoto said after a while.

"I don't doubt that." Miyoshi fiddled the empty glass in his hand. "But I _held_ him and he still got away."

"You miss him."

A statement, not a question.

"Not everyone can be as fortunate as you and Odagiri."

Though his expression didn't change much, there was a look of sympathy in Fukumoto's eyes.

"What are you going to do about it?"

A good question, that was. Other people might've gotten discouraged, might've taken today as a sign to give up and not bother with the matter anymore. They lived their lives all too willing to back down when faced with a challenge. Those were weak people -- people who settled for what they already had. Miyoshi was not a weak person.

"I'll do what I do best," was Miyoshi's answer to that.

"Sounds like a good plan." Fukumoto's lips quirked up. "Do you want another drink?"

Miyoshi considered it for a moment, but shook his head.

"No. I think I'll be heading home now."

"My shift will be ending soon. Do you want to wait a bit and I'll walk with you?"

"I can handle myself."

"All right. Text me when you get home and tell Jitsui I said hi. Good night."

"I will. Same to you."

Before leaving, Miyoshi made a beeline to the bathroom to fix himself up. Seeing his current look in the mirror made him cringe, but it was manageable. If he couldn't get himself together now, then he couldn't get himself together come next meeting. He needed to take hold of the situation, and take hold of it he would. After all, he was the type to get what he wanted, no matter the means.

Miyoshi smirked, his reflection already looking better. He was looking forward to Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a thing i learned while writing this: the meme pose kaminaga + co. do in front of the hachiko statue is called a "prison pose" or "rap squat." apparently.
> 
> hm, still not sure how I feel about the ending of this, but that's that for the second encounter! I've kinda started writing the next chapter, but ah, it's got a while to go before I'm done haha. Hopefully I'll update in early December, but I'll just say a certain lieutenant makes his appearance :o
> 
> And just a reminder for anyone who's interested: signups for the Joker Game Secret Santa end on the 30th at 11:59 PM EST/GMT-5 More details can be found [here](http://dollofdeath.tumblr.com/post/153146323112/joker-game-secret-santa-2016)~! o/
> 
> As always, thank you all so much for reading!! In the spirit of Thanksgiving (even though I'm a day late lolol), I'd just like to say I'm thankful for all of you who read and support my works~!! ❤ ⁽⁽◝(*≧ᴗ≦)◜⁾⁾ ” I hope you all have a lovely day/night!!


	5. Kaminaga III: Green-Eyed Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spies weren't allowed to love, to get jealous, to feel. But Kaminaga was no longer a spy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi~! Long time, no see ^o^ As promised, here's a double update! Although, I did debate on posting this now for two reasons: 1) I didn't want to end the year on a rather dreary note and 2) Writing this particular chapter made me realize how much headcanon I rely on for this fic and kjdfkdgnk I just don't want to confuse anybody ;; Should've gone ahead with that origins fic first, but ah well, we're here already so I tried to make things as clear as possible ;; It's more so this chapter than the next, but hm... I'm still kinda iffy on this no matter how many times I rewrite it, but this is the version I liked the best.
> 
> Things are a tad bit different here since I feel like Kaminaga's perspective is very skewed in regards to what happens, but ah well. Anyways, without further ado, here we go! Thanks again so much for reading and I hope you guys enjoy~! o/

_"Would you care to join us for a game of billiards, Kaminaga?" Miyoshi asked with measured cadences. He stopped behind where Kaminaga was seated with Sakuma in tow and Amari saw the hand he placed on the back of the seat, his fingers barely brushing against Kaminaga's neck._

_Kaminaga turned halfway, just enough to give him an answer but not enough to look at him completely. His grin didn't reach his eyes._

_"The players would be uneven then, wouldn't it? As fun as it'd be, that'd be putting Sakuma at too much of a disadvantage."_

_"I suppose Amari could join too, hm?"_

_At the sound of his name, Amari took a drag from his cigarette, thankful for the few extra seconds he had to weigh his options. Neither Miyoshi nor Kaminaga looked at him expectantly, but he could tell his answer would tip the conversation. If he could've, he would've avoided being stuck in this situation altogether. But given the way things were playing out, it was bound to happen eventually. While he valued the both of them, he thought Kaminaga needed more support at the moment. Miyoshi would forgive him. Probably._

_"Sounds like fun, but I'm afraid I'll have to decline." Amari gave him an apologetic smile. "I was planning on heading out tonight. I was just gonna ask Kaminaga if he wanted to come with, actually."_

_"Ah." Miyoshi shrugged. "Sakuma-san and I will have to play by ourselves then. You two have fun."_

_Had it not been for his training, Amari would've missed the wistful glance Miyoshi took towards Kaminaga before heading off and the nuances of Kaminaga's face as it fell ever so slightly. Watching these two skirt around each other for the past few weeks was worrisome. While they maintained some semblance of their relationship as it was during the early days of training, the distance growing between them was clear to the rest of the spies. It only seemed to have gotten worse in recent days, with Kaminaga trying to avoid Miyoshi and Miyoshi trying to grab his attention in whatever way possible._

_"Did something happen between you two?" Amari asked, once Miyoshi and Sakuma were out of earshot. He didn't need to clarify what he meant by "you two."_

_"Nothing happened," Kaminaga said, adjusting his watch. Surely he was using the surface's reflection to catch a glimpse of Miyoshi and Sakuma on the other side of the room. Amari glimpsed over at them to see that they've begun their game. Though Miyoshi was standing in such a way that he was observing Sakuma's move, Amari saw that his gaze was truly in their direction. Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say in Kaminaga's direction._

_"Yuuki-san would punish you for being in denial."_

_"There's nothing to deny." Kaminaga sat back in his seat. "He said I'm annoying, so I decided to leave him alone."_

_Amari raised an eyebrow._

_"And you're actually listening to him?"_

_"Is there a reason I shouldn't?"_

_"Things like that don't usually stop you."_

_Kaminaga scoffed, placing a hand over his chest in mock offense._

_"Are you implying something?"_

_"Not that you're annoying -- though you can be," he said, chuckling at Kaminaga's pout. "But that I thought you two were better than this."_

_Kaminaga took a quick glance to the side, no doubt trying to see what Miyoshi and Sakuma were up to now. It seemed that Miyoshi was critiquing -- criticizing, more like it -- Sakuma's play style, given how perplexed Sakuma looked and how Miyoshi gestured towards the table before them._

_"Miyoshi thinks in terms of pros and cons, no?" Kaminaga said, avoiding Amari's eyes. "I wonder what he wants from a man like that."_

_Those words, so heavy and loaded, were said through his usual cheeriness that disguised the wistfulness in his tone._

_Answering in the only way he knew how to, Amari said, "You should trust him."_

_Even to someone skilled in reading body language, Kaminaga's face was undecipherable. It seemed like he was going to say something, but he shook his head instead and stood up. Putting on his suit jacket, he gave Amari a grin for show._

_"You said you wanted to go out, didn't you? We should get going then."_

_As much as Amari wanted to press the issue, he knew he wouldn't get Kaminaga to say more than he already had. Not now, at least. So he got up as well, putting out his cigarette in the ash tray._

_"The night's still young. There's no need to hurry."_

_"With that mindset, someone will take all the ladies before you do." Kaminaga retorted as they began making their way out the room._

_"Now, now," Amari said. "Courting women isn't something you can just rush like that."_

_Kaminaga snorted._

_"You're starting to sound your age. I’ll have you know that..."_

_As Kaminaga spoke, Amari gave one last look towards Miyoshi, who was watching them as Sakuma made his move. His lips were tugged down and his eyes narrowed ever so slightly but his usual demeanor replaced it quickly when Sakuma began speaking. Amari turned back to Kaminaga, keeping his worry hidden behind a smile._

_He hoped that whatever was going on between them would be resolved soon._

* * *

Kaminaga indeed saw Miyoshi for the third time that Monday morning.

But when he did, he didn't do anything.

That morning, Kaminaga awoke with a start, the dreams he had last night fresh in his mind. Coldness washed over him and his stomach twisted inside out, the familiar feeling of jealousy rising much too quickly for his liking. He'd built himself up over the weekend looking forward to today, but in the hazy morning light, he felt himself falling apart. And all of this because of some memories -- some feelings -- he thought he'd long gotten over years ago.

He didn't hate Sakuma. Sakuma was a decent man from what he remembered, simply trying to get through his job. Sure, he was a bit slow on the uptake and he never truly broke free from his military upbringing, but that didn't warrant any hate. Neither did Miyoshi's interest in him, but no amount of training was able to stomp out Kaminaga's jealousy. He hadn't thought much of it at first as Miyoshi teasing -- terrorizing -- those he deemed unworthy wasn't anything new (the rejected trainees were just a testament to that). But it eventually became more than just teasing, more than just something to amuse Miyoshi -- it was a relationship that not even Kaminaga could define in one word, and eventually Kaminaga couldn't deal with the fact. That, he did hate -- himself more than Sakuma -- for allowing himself to succumb to such feelings, but moreso for allowing himself to distance himself from Miyoshi.

" _What does it matter to you?_ " He remembered Miyoshi asking him when he first confronted him about Sakuma. He'd looked at him with hardened eyes and his words held the slightest hints of bitterness. Even then, he made no move to remove Kaminaga's grip on his wrist.

At the time he found it easier to say: " _He's distracting you._ " Today, he might admit to not thinking properly -- something unbefitting a spy, but something perfectly reasonable for someone his age.

They both knew it was an excuse -- a poor lie to cover up his true feelings -- but that didn't stop the hurt expression that had briefly crossed Miyoshi's face before he glared at him.

" _The only thing distracting me is_ you _._ " He'd said, removing himself from Kaminaga's hold and leaving the room, leaving Kaminaga alone with his frustrations.

He sighed, trying to focus on better memories. Though it went on longer than either of them wanted, they did manage to patch things up eventually. They'd experienced bumps in the road before, but they'd always managed to overcome them. What mattered was that they'd been together. Besides it wasn't even Sakuma that took Miyoshi from him in the end, it was...

Kaminaga ended his musings there.

Though he felt like utter crap, he dragged himself out of bed. He couldn't spend the whole day dwelling on things that happened or things that could've happened. He was going to see Miyoshi today and he couldn't face Miyoshi like this.

Going through his morning routine improved his mood a bit and Amari and Tazaki also helped serve as a distraction. While he wouldn't deny the pangs of envy that hit whenever he saw their gentle touches and loving gazes, he was thankful they never shoved their relationship in his face. As the two of them started their day as well, he bade them goodbye and left their apartment feeling a little lighter. By the time he reached the train station, he'd regained most of his self-confidence, taking each step in stride. Not even the remains of his bruise caused him to hesitate (though he was kinda glad that Hatano didn't seem to be around because he didn't need him making fun of him for that).

When he reached the train platform, he began his search immediately. It was no more crowded than it normally was, but it seemed much more difficult to discern Miyoshi from the others this time around. He wasn't typically this impatient, but he did feel antsier than usual what with his memories weighing heavily in the back of his mind. Finally, he spotted Miyoshi to the side. He could make out his profile from where he was standing, his eyes also scanning the crowd with a serious expression. It seemed that he hadn't noticed him yet. Kaminaga grinned, ready to take this chance, but he faltered as soon as he began making his way.

Someone else had approached Miyoshi. Which he wouldn't mind had that someone not been a man with bushy, black hair and matching eyebrows. _Sakuma_.

He placed a hand on Miyoshi's shoulder, and Kaminaga swallowed hard as Miyoshi gave him a smile. A real smile -- not one of his teasing smirks or mocking leers. Kaminaga hated how such a beautiful smile wasn’t being directed at him. Still, he reminded himself not to make any assumptions. He didn't know what things were like between them now (and a little voice in his head told him that he didn't know how Miyoshi was like now either. But he ignored it. He had to). He stepped back, hesitant to look away from them as they were talking. There was nothing stopping him from going over there and stealing Miyoshi's attention, but he didn't trust himself. At least not right now. He didn't want to get arrested for throwing Sakuma onto the train tracks. So instead he hid behind the nearest pole, positioning himself in a way that he could see them but not vice versa.

There was a lull in their conversation when he looked back at them, easing him a bit. But then Sakuma opened his mouth and Kaminaga leaned forward, squinting his eyes and straining his ears to make out what he was going to say.

"Would you like to hang out this weekend?"

He nearly fell over seeing those words come from Sakuma's mouth, but Kaminaga maintained his casual act. Unfortunately, Miyoshi's head was turned away from him so he couldn't make out what he said nor did Miyoshi make any physical response. The word "date" formed on Sakuma's lips when he spoke again but someone passed by much to his frustration, obscuring the rest of what he said. Still, Kaminaga waited for Miyoshi's answer, not wanting to jump to a conclusion so quickly.

Although maybe he didn't want to see his answer.

Miyoshi drew closer towards Sakuma, placing a hand onto his arm and rubbing circles with his thumb. He then stepped onto his toes to whisper something into his ear. What he said, Kaminaga didn't know, but whatever it was made Sakuma flush bright red. And with that, Kaminaga blanked out -- frozen still and slack jawed. His mind filled with static, refusing to register the sight playing before him. It wasn't until the train arrived that he was able to tear his gaze away from them. Not caring about whom he bumped into, he rushed onto the train.

He took a breath, trying to recollect himself as several thoughts ran through his mind. There was nothing definite about their relationship status he could garner from that conversation alone, but the fact that they were that intimate with each other was telling. So, Kaminaga thought, what was he to do now? He'd never been one to back down from a challenge, especially when it came to romantic endeavors. But Miyoshi had looked happy -- a thought that both pleased and vexed him. Pleasing because Miyoshi was doing well and that was what mattered to Kaminaga; vexing because he was getting by without him.

As the train doors closed behind him, Kaminaga closed his eyes. It seemed that he was too late.

* * *

When Amari returned home, he found Kaminaga lying on the couch with a bag of chips in his hands and even more junk food littered on the floor. His book bag laid to the side and his sweater jacket was thrown onto one of the chairs. Not to mention there was some drama playing on the TV, but Kaminaga wasn't paying attention given the blank look on his face.

"Who dumped you?" Amari asked. It was meant to lighten the mood, but the answer Kaminaga gave could only be described as a dying cat noise. Amari grimaced.

"Seriously, did something happen?" He asked, moving some bags to make space for him to sit.

Slowly, Kaminaga looked at him, his expression remaining dead and sullen. He set his chips down, straining to get into a sitting position.

"Answer me something first?"

"All right." Though Amari didn't have a good feeling about this, he decided to humor him. "Shoot."

"If Tazaki was happier with another person, what would you do?"

Amari blinked, certainly not expecting that question.

"It depends," he said, trying to figure out the best way to approach the question. "How would he feel about me?"

"...He still likes you. But this person makes him smile the same way he does when he plays Kazuaki's route in Hatoful Boyfriend."

Despite himself, Amari twitched. He knew better than to be jealous of a fictional pigeon but that was some competition.

"If that's the case then..." He trailed off, just the mere thought of it making his heart tighten. "I'd let him go. His happiness comes first."

"I see."

"Why do you ask?"

Kaminaga averted his eyes from him, turning his hollow gaze back to the TV. He made no indication of speaking any time soon, but Amari didn't press him. He'd answer on his own time.

"I saw Miyoshi today," he said finally. But that didn't explain why he was acting this way, if Amari was remembering the situation correctly.

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"...He was with Sakuma."

"Sakuma? Are you sure it was him?"

"I'd recognize those eyebrows anywhere." Though his words sounded like a joke, his voice was void of its usual liveliness.

"Okay," Amari said, realizing where this was going. "So what happened?"

"Sakuma asked him out on a date and Miyoshi was flirting with him. He was smiling." Kaminaga took a sharp breath, as if thinking about it put him in physical pain. "It's rare that he smiles like that."

Never before had Amari heard Kaminaga sound so broken, not even after they were told of Miyoshi's death. He supposed it was due to the circumstances. Interpersonal relationships were frowned upon when it came to espionage, even amongst themselves. It was a rule Amari himself had consciously broke, knowing the consequences. But they’d all formed bonds in their own ways, although Amari had always suspected that Kaminaga and Miyoshi’s relationship ran deeper than what they showed. Still, spies weren't allowed to love, to get jealous, to grieve. Spies weren’t allowed to feel. He would know, thinking back on the choices he’d made back then.

But it was different now. No longer were they spies, no longer were they monsters; they were human. There was no need to conceal their wants or emotions. Kaminaga was allowed to love as freely as he wanted to. But that also meant he was allowed to sulk as freely as he wanted to. Amari wasn't sure which he preferred -- the Kaminaga who hid his feelings underneath an act or the Kaminaga who wallowed in his despair. But what he did know is that he didn't like seeing either of them.

"He smiles at you like that," Amari said, choosing his words carefully. "And he was the one who caught you when you got knocked out. I'm sure he still cares about you."

"Caring doesn't mean he still loves me."

Amari opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't find a proper response. He wasn't there himself, so he couldn't say what the situation was now. Perhaps Miyoshi had really chosen Sakuma this time around. He certainly wasn't bound to the choices he'd made in the last life, especially if Kaminaga hadn't been there. But he remembered seeing lingering glances and fleeting touches between them back then; wistful sighs and hidden meanings under polite words after Sakuma's arrival. Until he could say for sure, Amari didn't want to make any assumptions.

Echoing the words he said so many years ago, Amari said, "You should trust him."

Before Kaminaga could say anything more, the door opened.

"I'm home," Tazaki said with a smile that disappeared as soon as he saw the current state of the living room. "What happened?"

"Welcome home." Amari shrugged, giving him a sheepish smile. "Kaminaga's having a bit of a problem," he said, trying to lighten the mood up.

"Ah." After setting his belongings down, Tazaki sat down next to him, their fingers brushing together. Amari indulged himself by entwining their fingers together but nothing more. He didn't want to in front of Kaminaga. "What kind of problems?"

"...Shitty ones," was Kaminaga's lifeless answer. He sighed, getting up from his seat and collected the bags of junk food for himself while he was at it. "I'll be in my room."

Amari and Tazaki could only watch in silence as he shuffled away, matching expressions of concern on their faces. As soon as they heard the _click_ from Kaminaga's door closing, Tazaki turned to Amari.

"Did something bad happen? He's never been this down before."

Amari squeezed Tazaki's hand.

"He saw Miyoshi with Sakuma today. He thinks they're together."

"Oh," Tazaki said, his face falling. "Are they really?"

Amari shrugged.

"Can't say. I wasn't there, but you know how he can get."

Tazaki nodded, shifting closer to Amari.

"That's quite the predicament..."

"Mhm."

"But... they'll work things out somehow, won't they? They always do."

"...You're right," Amari said. And although he was of the same opinion of Tazaki, he couldn't help but look back in the direction Kaminaga had left. He certainly hoped they would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hey."
> 
> "Yeah?"
> 
> "You wouldn't leave me for Kazuaki... right?"
> 
> Tazaki's nose scrunched up as he chuckled.
> 
> "Of course not."
> 
> Amari mentally let out a breath of relief.
> 
> "But maybe I would for Yuuya --"  
> \---  
> Some AmaTaza fluff to balance the suffering Kaminaga's going through ahahah but yeah --
> 
> If you guys have any questions, I'm always willing to answer!! Ugh, I suppose this was poor planning on my part and it all made sense to me when I first started this orz but I hope this was all right. Definitely feel free to leave critique, I'm always looking for ways to improve! I definitely feel like I could've done this whole arc better but orz Anyways, Miyoshi's side is up next~


	6. Miyoshi III: Heart Breaker

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things always went according to Miyoshi's expectations. Except when they didn't.

_Silence was a rarity Miyoshi reveled in whenever he had the chance. Mindless chatter and white noise only served to annoy him, and with a building filled with nine other people, it was difficult to find some peace and quiet. And while he could certainly say that this moment was quiet, it was far from peaceful. This silence was stifling, as if choking him the longer either of them refused to talk._

_Even if there was no curfew, Miyoshi was awake later than usual. Kaminaga was his only other company, sitting on the other end of the couch, though "company" was a word he used loosely._ _Neither had them had spoken a word since the others retired for the night, the smoke of their cigarettes filling the space between them. Miyoshi wasn't sure what he was more surprised at -- the fact that Kaminaga had even stayed up with him after avoiding him for weeks or the fact that he himself hadn't made any move to finally end this game they'd been playing, a game he'd grown tired of long ago. But given who he was, Miyoshi didn't want to be the first to give in. Perhaps that was why he stayed up in the first place despite not saying anything. He'd done his all to get Kaminaga's attention once more, and now it was Kaminaga's time to play his turn. Though he didn't blame Kaminaga's stubbornness either; he had a pride that could rival his own._

_"Quiet night, huh?" Kaminaga said, finally breaking the silence._

_Though he was glad he didn't have to speak first, Kaminaga’s choice of words annoyed him. Small talk? He'd had enough small talk in his life and Kaminaga knew better than that. He took a drag out of his cigarette, refusing to look at him even though he could feel his eyes on him._

_"Not quiet enough," he said. He took a peek at him through his peripheral. To his credit, Kaminaga didn't look away or make any visible reaction. But if this was how he was going to be, then he needed to take a more direct approach. Still refusing to look at him completely, he put out his cigarette._

_"Why have you been avoiding me?" Miyoshi asked, cutting to the chase. Quickly, he added, "And don't deny it, because you have.” He paused. “I know you."_

_Kaminaga heaved a sigh and followed suit, putting his cigarette out as well._

_"You said I distracted you. So I left you alone."_

_Miyoshi's head snapped towards him._

_"And since when has that ever stopped you?"_

_Kaminaga looked him in the eyes._

_"Ever since you've moved onto Sakuma."_

_Hearing his answer, Miyoshi fell silent. He had a feeling Sakuma was the reason for Kaminaga's behavior, but even he didn’t have a response prepared for that. He wouldn't lie; he'd taken interest in Sakuma. Seeing a military man trying to survive in a spy facility was enough to capture his interests. Originally he'd just wanted to see his reactions, like a test of sorts, but he'd become enthralled with him somewhere along the line. Ever so slowly, Sakuma was unlearning all that the Imperial army had taught him and, especially after the Gordon mission, Miyoshi was impressed. Never before had anyone broken so many of his expectations and he wanted to see more, to see what he could do. And maybe -- just maybe -- he’d been using Sakuma to fill the void left by Kaminaga's absence. Nevertheless, all Sakuma had done could never replace what Kaminaga meant to him nor the years they’d spent together. Kaminaga had given him something to live for back in the meaningless life that he'd thrown away._

_As he sorted out his thoughts, Miyoshi moved closer towards Kaminaga. They were face to face, their eyes locked onto one another._

_"What does it matter to you?" Miyoshi asked, repeating the words from their first confrontation. This time, however, it was a genuine question -- no frustration or bitterness seeping into his tone._

_Kaminaga only looked at him and Miyoshi waited for his answer with bated breath. He feared that this would be a repeat of last time, but Kaminaga proved him wrong._

_"I want what's best for you." Kaminaga placed a hand on his cheek and it took all of Miyoshi’s willpower to not react as Kaminaga ran his thumb across his face. "I_ care _about you," he said, emphasizing "care" in such a way that it carried so much more meaning than it seemed on the surface._

_To say that he cared was treading dangerous grounds for the life they’ve chosen. Caring for someone could jeopardize their entire mission; loving someone was a death sentence. But Miyoshi was never one to play safe._

_When Miyoshi didn’t respond, Kaminaga's hand fell and he began to stand up, but Miyoshi was quicker. He grabbed his wrist -- a role reversal of last time -- and rose up to meet him. Kaminaga looked at him warily, but it eased as Miyoshi's hand held his._

_"I_ care _about you, too," Miyoshi said. "And you'd have to be a fool to doubt that after all we've been through. Sakuma could never match up to you." And there was so much more he wanted to say, but this was already too much. The walls had ears after all as anyone could be listening. He didn't want to talk about more than what was necessary._

_Fortunately Kaminaga had gotten the message, his face softening up. He didn't say anything, though he supposed any more words weren't needed. In this moment of intimacy they allowed themselves, Kaminaga brought Miyoshi’s hand close to his lips and, without breaking eye contact, pressed a kiss against his fingers._

_The moment was over much too quickly, but the way Kaminaga grinned at him with that sparkle in his eyes almost made up for it._

_"It's about time we call it a night, don't you think?_

_Miyoshi returned the smile._

_"I suppose you're right.”_

_Together, they walked side-by-side to the dormitory, their fingers occasionally brushing against each other but nothing more. But that was fine with Miyoshi. They cared about each other and that was what mattered._

* * *

Miyoshi did indeed see Kaminaga for the third time that morning.

But only a glimpse -- too quick to catch, too far to reach.

Spurred on by his dreams that night, Miyoshi had woken up more determined than before. The memories of kisses stolen and gentle words spoken sent shivers down his body, the phantom feeling of lips brushing against his fingers lingering. Those moments of humanity were few and far in between, but the thought of them was comforting even now. As sweet as those memories were, however, that was all they were -- memories of years long past. But if he could make them a reality once more, he would, and so Miyoshi pulled himself out of bed ready to meet Kaminaga properly this time around.

Despite Jitsui's teasing, he wasn't putting any more effort into his morning routine today. Although _maybe_ he spent more time choosing an outfit, _maybe_ he spent more time putting on his makeup, and _maybe_ he spent more time doing his hair. Regardless, he looked as good as he always did (but _maybe_ he looked better than usual) and he left the apartment with his head held high. Now "impatient" wasn't a word Miyoshi would use to describe himself, but he arrived at the train station sooner than he usually did, the _lub-dub_ 's of his heart beating in his ears. He breathed, calming himself down as he walked onto the platform. It was only Kaminaga he would be seeing. But then again, it was _Kaminaga_ he would be seeing.

He settled into a spot close to the entrance, one where he could get a good look at the crowd. The platform was no more crowded than it usually was, but somehow it felt harder to pick people out and Miyoshi tapped his foot more intensely with every person he saw that wasn't Kaminaga. To be fair, he arrived fairly early if the time on his watch was right, so for now Miyoshi kept a vigilant watch on the crowd.

Then suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder and his heart thumped in anticipation. On instinct, he smiled -- bright and radiant -- as he turned to face who it was.

"Miyoshi?"

The sight of Sakuma politely smiling back greeted him, his touch lingering for a moment longer than necessary.

"Ah." Miyoshi would deny that his smile grew weaker, as this was Sakuma after all. He wasn't disappointed that it was him. It was the fact that it wasn't Kaminaga that did. "Sakuma. I didn't realize you had a class this early."

"I don't usually, but I have a meeting to attend."

"Ever the hard working student, I see.” As soon as he finished speaking, he glanced out to the crowd but saw no sign of Kaminaga.

"I'm just doing what I need to do. And you? You've started your first year, isn't that right?"

Miyoshi's smile faltered.

"Well, I don't just ride the train for fun."

"Right, right." Seeing the apologetic look on Sakuma's face almost made him feel bad for snapping. Almost. "Have you been adjusting well, then?"

"As well as I could be." And once again he glanced back out to the crowd but there was still nothing. So turning back to Sakuma, he said: "But you know, Sakuma- _san_. You don't have to be a stranger. You could at least text me every once in a while."

"I know," Sakuma said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck, a sight Miyoshi was all too familiar with. "But I've been busy," he continued, an excuse Miyoshi had heard time and time again. "I'm sorry." And just like all the other times, he sounded genuinely apologetic.

"You're always busy." His words weren't accusatory, at least not this time -- merely an observation.

"I have other duties to attend to first."

"I know," Miyoshi said, wistfulness in his voice. "I know."

They lapsed into a silence, though Miyoshi much preferred that than Sakuma attempting small talk. He took this time to scan the crowd once more, but part of him was sad that this what they were now when less than a year ago they'd been dating. Of course, they ended things on good terms and got along well whenever they were with the others. But alone, it seemed that Sakuma pushed him away, as if thinking putting distance was better for both of them. Miyoshi was tired of distance.

"Miyoshi," Sakuma said, pulling his attention away from his search. "Would you like to hang out this weekend?"

Miyoshi's lips parted open, the question taking him off guard. It was a good kind of surprise, though he'd been hoping for plans with someone else this weekend. But still, Kaminaga wasn't here yet so it was an offer he'd have to decline as much as it pained him to. In the meantime, he could still have some fun.

"How straightforward of you," Miyoshi said, his lips curling up. "It's nice being the one asked out for once."

Sakuma smiled sheepishly.

"Not as a date. I mean, not if you don't want it to be. It's just a way of catching up with each other."

"Oh?" Miyoshi stepped closer to him, placing his hand on his arm and rubbing circles into the fabric of his shirt with his thumb. Standing on his toes, he lowered his voice purposely as he whispered into his ear, "Catch up in what way?"

Sakuma turned red and sputtered as he tried to find an answer, as was expected. Miyoshi fought the urge to laugh. It was nice to see that some things never changed, but he decided to have pity on Sakuma just this once.

"Honestly, Sakuma, you're too easy," he said, dropping his hand from his arm but maintaining his proximity to him. He took a quick glance again, but there was still no sign of Kaminaga. "But I'm afraid I'll have to take a rain check. Maybe some other time?"

"That's fine." Sakuma nodded, looking both disappointed and relieved at the same time. "I understand."

It was then that the train pulled into the station and this time, Miyoshi looked out to the crowd but was met with nothing still. He checked his watch and frowned, seeing as how Kaminaga should've been there by now. Was he feeling well? Maybe the hit took a far greater toll on him than he'd thought, and that only worried him more.

"Are you okay, Miyoshi?" Sakuma looked at him with concern.

"Hm?"

"You seem antsy today."

"You're not the only busy one, Sakuma" he said, deciding to tell him about Kaminaga later. It wasn't something to worry him about now, at least. "I have places to go, people to see."

"If you say so -- huh?"

"What is it?"

"Nothing, I just thought I saw... Kaminaga?"

Miyoshi nearly choked on his saliva.

"Kaminaga?!"

He whipped around so quickly that he was lucky he didn’t get whiplash. With all the people clamoring on the train, it was difficult to tell who was who. He thought that maybe Sakuma had just mistaken someone to be him but then he caught sight of a familiar head of olive brown hair rushing onto the train, disappearing as he mixed in with the crowd.

"Ah, the doors are closing," Sakuma said, moving towards a train car in the opposite direction.

Miyoshi moved to follow Kaminaga instead, but Sakuma grabbed his hand and pulled him along with him in a hurry. Just like that, Miyoshi found himself in the crowded train with Sakuma. This wasn't exactly how he expected this morning to go.

"Seriously, are you okayi? You seemed out of it just now." Sakuma asked as the train began moving.

"Just peachy, Sakuma," Miyoshi said, thinking about Kaminaga. With the way he'd rushed onto the train, there was the possibility he'd seen him and Sakuma together. But just how much had he seen? He hadn't even managed to talk to Kaminaga yet and he might've jeopardized everything. In a less enthusiastic voice, he repeated, "Just peachy."

* * *

"I'm home," Miyoshi said, locking the door behind him when he returned that afternoon.

"Welcome home," was the reply he got, said in a smooth baritone.

He furrowed his eyebrows because Jitsui's voice wasn't that deep. He looked back at the living room, searching for the source of the voice. Soon enough, Odagiri emerged from the kitchen, setting down a box of mochi as he sat down at the kotatsu.

"Odagiri." He approached him, seeing the manga pages scattered on the kotatsu top. "Jitsui's put you to work, hm?"

Popping a piece of mochi into his mouth, Odagiri nodded.

"Yeah." Only he was capable of making one word sound so despondent. "Jitsui stepped out for a bit. Went out to get more supplies."

"I see."

Having nothing else better to do, Miyoshi sat across from him and watched as he worked on the screen tones, resisting the urge to take some mochi for himself. Conversation wasn't necessary, Odagiri being the type to work best in silence, and Miyoshi was just fine with that. Odagiri’s silence was comforting and he needed it after the mishap that happened this morning.

It wasn't long before Odagiri's phone buzzed, the screen lighting up with a notification from Fukumoto. A smile grew on Odagiri's face as he paused to read Fukumoto's message and Miyoshi couldn't help but grab a piece of mochi to ignore the envy that shot through him. He didn't believe in fate or any higher beings, but sometimes he had to wonder why they'd been reborn and why they all hadn't met until now. And more importantly, why they'd been split up the way they had been.

He’d grown up feeling like something -- someone -- had been missing, and the feeling only worsened as the memories of his previous life trickled in. Hesitantly, he’d accepted that Kaminaga and the others weren’t around in this life but that belief came crashing down just a week ago. If he were to be honest, he was thankful -- thankful that Kaminaga was indeed alive as well and he had the chance to see him again. But at the same time, he resented the fact he only saw _now_ when they could’ve had more time together.

"You look upset," Odagiri said, setting his phone down. His smile vanished as he returned to his work, but he kept an eye on Miyoshi.

Miyoshi opened his mouth to deny it. He didn't get upset, not like some child who didn't get what they wanted. No, he was better than that. Sometimes. So instead of speaking, he took a bite out of his mochi.

"I saw Sakuma today. He had a meeting to go to," he said, knowing fully well that Odagiri didn't need a life update on him. If not Fukumoto, then he was with Sakuma. Still, Odagiri nodded slowly. "He also asked me to go out this weekend."

Odagiri made no response, but his movements slowed down as he listened.

"And I think someone else saw us too." Miyoshi took another bite of mochi while Odagiri waited patiently. "I think it was Kaminaga."

"Oh." Odagiri grimaced, putting two-and-two together. "Did he say anything to you?"

"No," he said, remembering the way his figure disappeared into the crowded train. "I didn't even realize he was there."

"You were messing with Sakuma again, huh?" A rhetorical question, given how deadpan he sounded.

Miyoshi gave him a look, finishing up the rest of his mochi.

"It's not my fault he's too easy."

Odagiri returned his look with an exasperated one but shrugged. It was true.

"So what now?" Odagiri asked, his question reminiscent of what Fukumoto asked him not too long ago.

Miyoshi sighed, considering his options. He could wait until Thursday came around and try to catch him then, if he was willing to listen. The more immediate option was that he could borrow Jitsui's social media accounts and contact him through there, but the idea of that didn't sit well with him. It seemed too disingenuous, too lifeless -- he'd much rather explain himself face to face. Though Kaminaga had claimed to have gotten over what happened with Sakuma back then, he knew it was a touchy subject and he wouldn't doubt that it still was. He wanted to reassure him himself, to convey his feelings properly through his voice, his touch.

But then again, he was making an assumption about an assumption.

Who was to say that Kaminaga looked at them and assumed that they were together? Until he heard it from him, he couldn't be sure. And maybe he did, and maybe he decided that was fine. Maybe he'd given up on him -- didn't want to be with him anymore -- and that was why he didn't do anything. Miyoshi brought a hand to his chest, the thought of that bringing pain to his heart. He didn't want to think like that, but it was within the realm of possibility. Of course, maybe he hadn't seen anything and was simply late and that was why he moved so quickly. He’d rather that be the case than the alternative.

Even so, it was a delicate situation. It was much easier to obtain information from an enemy country than to deal with this. For once, Miyoshi didn't have a course of action. For once, he found himself at a loss.

"I'll see what I can do," was what he told Odagiri.

And Odagiri nodded, understanding the meaning behind his words. For now, he'd have to wait until next time -- if there was a next time -- and see how things played out. Until then, Miyoshi could only hope for the best and plan accordingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays y'all --
> 
> omg so I intended on posting chapters 7 and 8 on the 30th, but I'm not exactly sure if I'll be able to finish them on time ;; I wanted to end things on a hopeful note, but ah, I suppose this is a fitting way to end this mess of a year we call 2016 lmao
> 
> But anyways, if I'm not able to update by then, I just wanted to wish you guys a happy holidays and a happy new year! Thank you guys so much for your support!! I appreciate every single one of you!! You guys keep me going hehe (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و I hope 2017 is a good year for all of you!! ❤ ⁽⁽◝(*≧ᴗ≦)◜⁾⁾ ”


	7. Kaminaga IV: I'll See You Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps not all hope is lost for Kaminaga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):
> 
> I-I'm alive...!! And I come bearing a double update!! \o/ Honestly, I can't believe this fic is almost over but I'll save that sappy stuff for later hehe ^^ I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this arc as my opinion keeps changing every time I read through it LOL but anyways, here we go, and I promise, this is less painful than the last arc haha. Thanks for reading, and I hope you guys enjoy~! o/

_Though Kaminaga was setting off for his mission today, the fact that he was leaving had still yet to hit him. It felt like tomorrow would follow the same routine of waking up and going through the training regimen Yuuki had in store for them, a day filled with the banter and antics of the men he'd come to call allies (and dare he say "friends," not that he would admit that -- could say that -- out loud). But he supposed things haven't been like that for a while._

_Despite not quite getting along with him, there was something unnerving about Sakuma's absence after he was transferred. Odagiri resigned shortly after he failed his mission and though he wasn't one to talk much, it felt wrong to only see six other men. Hatano had left back in June, followed soon by Jitsui; the Cultural Society felt less welcoming without Hatano's short temper and Jitsui's cutting remarks, and though Amari, Tazaki, and Fukumoto had been assigned domestic missions, they were out more often than there were in. The only one constant was Miyoshi, whose only duty so far was to handle some missions. Though Kaminaga knew Miyoshi longed to leave the premises, to go out into the world already, the selfish part of him was thankful that he had more time to spend with him. The only regret he had now was leaving before him._

_"Already leaving?"_

_Speak of the devil._ _Just as he'd finished the last of his preparations, Kaminaga turned around to see Miyoshi leaning against the doorway. Even if he gave the air of disinterest by inspecting his fingernails, there was the slight downward curl of his lips that told Kaminaga otherwise._

_"Gonna miss me?"_

_Miyoshi shrugged and pushed himself off the door frame, taking a seat on Kaminaga's bed._

_"The peace and quiet will be a welcome change."_

_"Ouch," Kaminaga said, clutching his chest as he sat beside Miyoshi. In the solitude of the dormitory, their shoulders brushed against each other and Miyoshi leaned into his touch. "This is our last moment together for who knows how long and that's how you wanna spend it?"_

_"Oh, please," Miyoshi said. "You're acting as if you're going to die."_

_"Ah, I see." Kaminaga grinned, bumping his shoulder against Miyoshi's. "You're gonna miss me_ and _you're worried."_

_Tilting his head away, Miyoshi huffed._

_"I said no such things."_

_His response reminded Kaminaga of years past, before Kaminaga and Miyoshi existed, of a young man who hated being left behind as much as the man sitting next to him now. If the circumstances were any different, Kaminaga could imagine Miyoshi pouting much like then, the thought of it eliciting a chuckle out of him._

_"Sure, sure. Just don't do anything too rash while I'm gone, okay?" He said, remembering how that same young man managed to follow him into the city despite his father's orders._

_"I believe_ I _should be the one saying that to you." Miyoshi bumped him back. "We don't need you fooling around in London."_

_"Hm, sounds like you just don't want me having fun without you."_

_Miyoshi narrowed his eyes at him though they lacked any real indignation._

_"I bet you wish you were leaving with me, huh? Or maybe you want the mission for yourself?"_

_Though his lips twitched, Miyoshi refused to give into his taunts. Still, Kaminaga smiled and took Miyoshi's hand in his, to which Miyoshi entwined their fingers together._

_"How's about I tell you all about my mission when I get back? It's not the same experience but it's something, right?"_

_With an amused expression, Miyoshi raised one perfect eyebrow._

_"Breaking the rule of confidentiality for little old me?"_

_"No one needs to know."_

_Miyoshi hummed as if he were actually considering rejecting the offer._

_"I'll hold you to that. I suppose I'll just have to do the same when I get my mission." A pause. "Then we'll see who's the better spy."_

_He'd said it so casually, as if it were only the natural course of things; leave it up to Miyoshi to turn everything into a competition. Kaminaga grinned, ever eager for a chance to beat Miyoshi._

_"Oh, you're on."_

_Miyoshi said nothing more, his smirk daring him to do his worst, but his expression soon softened as the quietness settled in. There was a lot more Kaminaga wished to say but he was running out of time and the current conditions restricted him from saying any more. For now, Kaminaga burned the image of Miyoshi he saw now into his brain -- how his fox-like eyes bore into his, the way his fringe curled, and how his red, red lips pressed together -- because if a picture was worth a thousand words, Miyoshi's was priceless._

_"Your ship leaves in a few hours, doesn't it?" Miyoshi asked, his voice quiet. Still holding onto Kaminaga's hand, he stood up. "You should get going."_

_Kaminaga squeezed his hand, not wanting to let go just yet._

_"I was just about to be on my way until you came along."_

_"Then don't let me keep you." Slowly, he untangled their fingers and Kaminaga's hand grew colder as Miyoshi let go. "Don't screw up out there."_

_"Who do you take me for?"_

_Miyoshi shook his head in exasperation, hesitating before moving to leave the room. It was when he was halfway out the door that he turned back._

_"Kaminaga."_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Don't keep me waiting."_

_Kaminaga blinked, taking in his words before smiling. It was a demand he'd heard many times before and one he'd always oblige._

_"Of course I won't."_

* * *

When Kaminaga saw Miyoshi for the fourth time, it was a moment that ended much too soon but that was enough for the time being.

In the hours following the Incident™, Kaminaga hardly left his room no matter how much Amari and Tazaki tried to comfort him. Solitude wasn't his typical mode of coping, but he didn't want any reminders of what he'd seen earlier as discreet as Amari and Tazaki tried to be. Maybe he was being over dramatic but he couldn't care less. With the prospect of Miyoshi no longer being _his_ Miyoshi anymore, all the things left unsaid ran through his mind.

He hadn't been able to tell Miyoshi about his mission in London, he couldn't tell him how much he meant to him, he never told him he loved him. To think that those feelings transcended a lifetime to the point where it made him his upset over losing Miyoshi again, he wondered if whatever deities out there found enjoyment out of his suffering. Kaminaga thought he'd made peace with those feelings a while ago, when he'd begrudgingly came to terms with the idea that Miyoshi wasn't around this lifetime. Going about his life as it was didn't seem so daunting then, when Miyoshi had merely been a memory and not reality. But now that he knew otherwise, those feelings resurfaced like a typhoon hitting the islands.

Perhaps it'd be better for him to move on. After all, Miyoshi wasn't bound to the choices he made in the past life and neither was he. But then he had to wonder what was the point of a second chance if he wasn't going to take it? For once, Kaminaga was unsure of himself and those thoughts plagued his mind.

The following days saw Kaminaga distracting himself as much as he possibly could. He was rarely in the house, coming home late after a day's worth of photography and drinking. For a project, he told Amari and Tazaki; while not completely false, it was an excuse to stay up. Sleep brought memories of Miyoshi, sobriety brought reminders of the possible reality. It wasn't long before Thursday rolled around and the possibility of seeing Miyoshi again popped up. Part of him wanted to see him again, to talk to him and clear things up. If he were to be rejected, at least he'd have a straight up rejection rather than living without closure. But when some girls in his visual and media studies class asked him to hang out that afternoon, he accepted with little hesitation.

While playing the role of charming playboy as well as he usually did, his heart wasn't entirely into the outing. The minutes dragged by and as sweet and cute as those girls were, he didn't really feel much for them. It was well past four o'clock when he parted ways with them and Kaminaga was tempted to find another excuse to stay out even longer but sleep deprivation was beginning to take its toll on him; his steps grew sluggish and his thoughts muddled together. Two hours of sleep for the past three days probably wasn't his brightest idea, but what was done was done. However, on his way to the train station, his phone buzzed.

Kaminaga really hoped Amari wasn't planning on staging an intervention or something.

A beat.

He squinted back at the text, as if Amari could see him questioning him, but didn't bother thinking about it more than he had to. All he wanted to do now was collapse onto his bed and maybe cry a little bit. But it seemed that fate wanted to keep him from getting there as soon as possible because as he was putting his phone away, he bumped into someone.

"Oh crap, my bad."

"Sorry, pardon me."

Hearing that voice, Kaminaga froze. It was a voice he hadn't heard in literally years and one he didn't want to hear again after the Incident™. When he looked up, he was greeted with the sight of a slack-jawed Sakuma staring at him with wide, blue eyes.

"K-Kaminaga?" Sakuma asked, breaking out of his stupor first.

At the sound of his name, Kaminaga plastered a smile on his face and clapped Sakuma's shoulder.

"Sakuma!" He said, straining to keep the levity in his voice. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Yeah." Sakuma rubbed his shoulder, returning his smile with one of his own. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"You don't say. Haha, I didn't even realize you were alive," Kaminaga said through clenched teeth. Before Sakuma had the chance to speak again, he asked, "So where're you headed?"

"Uh, the train station --"

"Cool. Same." Kaminaga wrapped an arm around Sakuma's neck, pulling him in as if they were old pals and began leading him towards their destination. Call him petty, but seeing Sakuma in slight discomfort made him feel better. "Let's walk and talk then. So what've you been up to?"

"Nothing particularly exciting," Sakuma said as he removed himself from Kaminaga's hold as politely as possible. "I'm just a second year, studying criminal justice."

"Oh, nice!" It was fitting for a man like him, to be honest. "So you wanna be like a cop or something?"

"It's something I'm considering," Sakuma said, puffing his chest out a bit. "And yourself?"

"Eh, nothing as heroic as criminal justice." Kaminaga shrugged. "Third year, visual arts. I guess I wanna be a photographer."

"Photography is good, too." Sakuma nodded and there was a pause before his eyebrows shot up. "Oh! That reminds me, I saw your Instagram. You're quite talented."

"Aw, did you now? Thanks," he said, giving Sakuma a genuine smile before his words truly sank in. Then Kaminaga stopped still, his features scrunching up as he tried to process what he'd just said. Sakuma gave him a concerned look as he pulled him to the side to avoid the glares the passersby gave them for blocking the train station entrance. Kaminaga blinked once, twice, three times before finally returning to his senses. "Wait -- you saw my what?"

"Your Instagram...?"

"How?"

"Miyoshi showed it to me."

What.

"What?"

"Miyoshi showed it to me," he repeated before sympathy crossed his face. "Oh, do you know that he's... alive also?"

Kaminaga stared at him.

"Kinda." His voice cracked a bit in the second syllable and he cleared his throat before saying, "Yeah."

"That's good to hear." Sakuma sighed in relief. "He's been looking for you."

There were so many thoughts racing through Kaminaga's mind right now, like Miyoshi was aware of _him_ , Miyoshi talked about _him_ , and Miyoshi saw _his_ freaking Instagram holy crap, but the only thing that came out was:

"Why?"

"Because he misses you," Sakuma said as if it were an undeniable fact -- the sky was blue, grass was green, and Miyoshi _missed_ him.

"And you're okay with that?"

Sakuma furrowed his eyebrows.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Sooner or later, Kaminaga would've had to confront the matter and it seemed that the time was now. While he would've preferred to hear things from Miyoshi, Sakuma would have to do. He took in a breath before speaking again.

"Y'know, I... saw you two together on Monday morning," Kaminaga said, locking eyes with Sakuma. Sakuma's lips pursed together as his brow creased. "I thought that maybe you guys were together or something."

Sakuma said nothing for a moment before nodding solemnly.

"Kaminaga, you have nothing to worry about." He paused. "We dated before but that was a year ago. There’s nothing going on between us now. What you saw that day was just... Miyoshi being Miyoshi."

"Just Miyoshi being Miyoshi, huh?" He echoed. And to be fair, now that he thought about it, it really was a Miyoshi thing to make Sakuma squirm as much as possible and Kaminaga couldn't help but let out a dry chuckle. In another time, in another place, maybe he'd have found it more humorous, but at least that eased some of his worries. Still, he had one more question. "All right, but you said he showed you my Instagram.Why hasn't he talked to me yet?"

"He said he wanted to meet you in person first, that it meant more to him that way." In a softer voice, he continued: "He really does miss you. You won't hear this from him, but he always talked about you when we were younger."

Hearing that, Kaminaga was stunned into silence. To think that Miyoshi, who took what he wanted whenever the opportunity presented itself, was _waiting_ to see _him_. His lips quirked up at the thought of that. Shame on him then, for keeping Miyoshi waiting for as long as he had been; it was a reunion long overdue.

"I see." Kaminaga nodded, his thoughts coming to some sort of stability. "Thanks for telling me." Then he clapped Sakuma's shoulder, though with less force than he used the first time. "You're a pretty cool guy, Sakuma."

"It's no problem," Sakuma said, sheepishly rubbing his neck.

"So that's enough about me," Kaminaga said, moving towards the train station. "You got any emotional baggage to dump?"

"Well, no," Sakuma said, walking in step with him. "But this did happen..."

And as he and Sakuma made their way to the platform, Kaminaga felt lighter than he did earlier. It'd take some time to completely get over it, but he couldn't bring himself to stay bitter at Sakuma right now. Not when they were finally having a conversation without any pretenses, not when he was finally learning that the others were also around, and especially not when he knew Miyoshi would be there for him. He didn't want to wait for too long, but this was enough for now.

It was when the train pulled into the station that his phone buzzed again with a message from Amari.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Kaminaga looked back onto the platform. He and Sakuma had already settled in and the doors were set to close any second now. Then he saw Amari come into view as he ran up the stairs, but that wasn't what caught his attention. His eyes followed Amari's outstretched hand and on the other end of it was --

Miyoshi.

Hopping up from his seat, Kaminaga rushed to jump off the train, earning him looks from the other passengers but they didn't matter at the moment. What mattered was that Miyoshi was but a few meters away, so close that he could capture him in his arms as soon as he got off the train. The closer he got, the better he could see Miyoshi which only spurred him on to move faster, but just as he met him halfway, the doors slammed shut, keeping them apart once more.

Kaminaga met Miyoshi's gaze and if not for the barrier between them, he could've reached out and push his fringe back to get a better look at him. Even if Miyoshi's hair was tangled and all over the place, his mouth agape as he breathed in and out heavily, and his face flushed from running, he was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen; Kaminaga wished he had enough time to take his camera out and take a picture of him. Without thinking, Kaminaga's hand moved towards him only to be stopped by the cold piece of glass that separated them. Miyoshi had mirrored his move and their palms matched almost perfectly against the window; even now, Kaminaga could remember the soft roughness of Miyoshi's hands that only he could attain and how his hands belonged in his. However, the moment was over much too quickly for his liking and soon Miyoshi was out of sight as the train sped off.

"Was that Miyoshi? And _Amari_?" Sakuma asked as he joined him, breaking him out of his daze.

"Yeah." He grinned. "It was."

"...Are you all right?"

Kaminaga nodded and turned back to Sakuma.

"Of course. So back to what you were saying -- Odagiri did what now?"

* * *

Amari arrived home about half an hour later than him, just as he'd dozed off on the couch. Kaminaga would've snapped at him for waking him up, but Amari had that same cheerful look on his face whenever he was with Tazaki, thinking about Emma, or getting a good deal at the supermarket on his face, and so he decided to humor him.

"I'm home," Amari said. "And I have something for you~"

"Welcome home." Kaminaga yawned. "Is it chips? Because I kinda ate all of them."

"Even better."

"Even better than chips?"

Amari nodded, taking his phone out.

"So you remember how I told you to wait at the train station and you didn't?"

"Yeah." A smile grew on Kaminaga's face as he remembered the image of Miyoshi at the station. "In my defense, you didn't tell me why."

"Fair enough. I ran into Miyoshi today and was planning to have a surprise reunion but --" He handed Kaminaga his phone. "-- I guess his email will have to do."

Kaminaga stared at it and Miyoshi's email address stared back. It would be so easy to take it and start texting him now, and to say that he was tempted to do so was an understatement. But that wasn't what Miyoshi wanted. And to be honest, he could see why. It was a lot more fulfilling if they could see each other in person first, to speak face-to-face rather than through cold text. If that was how Miyoshi wanted things done, he'd play it his way.

"Thanks," he said, shaking his head. "But no thanks."

"Hm?" Amari pouted. "Why not?"

"I want to see him for myself first."

Amari took him in for a moment before grinning.

"How funny. That's what Miyoshi said too."

Kaminaga smiled back and just as he was about to hand Amari his phone back, an idea hit him.

"Actually..." He opened up a new message to Miyoshi. Technically it wasn't from him if it was through Amari's phone, was it? "Hold on a sec."

"Here," he said, giving the phone back to Amari.

"That's cute," Amari said as he read the text and before Kaminaga could very maturely tell him to shut up, Amari excitedly shook his shoulder. "Oh! He responded."

Not wasting any time, Kaminaga snatched the phone back.

Kaminaga chuckled, remembering how Miyoshi had said this to him on more than one occasion. He could still hear him saying it clearly even now. While he didn't mean to reply back, his fingers moved faster than his mind and he sent him a winking emoji.

"You can keep it for a while, if you want," Amari said.

Kaminaga looked back at the conversation but shook his head and returned Amari's phone.

"I'm good," he said with a huge smile on his face.

After all, he had so much more to tell him when they finally met again face-to-face.


	8. Miyoshi IV: Don't Keep Me Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And perhaps things aren't so dire for Miyoshi either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just wanted to quickly say that lonely, rich kid Miyoshi is my fave Miyoshi background headcanon so ( ´;ﾟ;∀;ﾟ;) )
> 
> anyways, continuing on~

_Five months. That was how long it'd been since Sakuma had been transferred to another unit and Odagiri's resignation, leaving the Cultural Society feeling smaller. Though Miyoshi denied any attachments, seeing their empty beds in the morning left him feeling disoriented._

_Four months. That was how long it'd been since Hatano and Jitsui had gone undercover on their missions, leaving the Cultural Society a little quieter. Though Miyoshi wouldn't say it aloud, their absences made life somewhat boring._

_One month. Or two weeks and five days to be exact, not that Miyoshi was counting. That was how long it'd been since Kaminaga left for his mission, leaving the Cultural Society emptier. And only when he was truly alone would Miyoshi admit to himself that he missed him._

_It wasn't the first time that he'd been separated from Kaminaga, but that didn't make things any easier. Unlike the last time, there was no way in which he could communicate with him nor was he allowed to. There were no letters to tide him over until the next time he saw him, to read the words over and over to pretend that he was still there. There were no photographs to act as a souvenirs, to see what he'd been seeing and pretend that he was with him. Stealing a peek at his mission reports could only give him so much comfort and he'd much rather hear everything come from Kaminaga himself anyways. The only thing he'd left behind was an empty bed and an empty locker, his scent slowly dissipating as the days passed._

_It would've been better, at least, if he had his own mission to focus on. While he had to admit handling Amari and Fukumoto's missions thus far had certain perks, it wasn't the same as actually being out there and performing the job himself. Instead, he was mostly cooped up inside the building, only going out if the mission report called for it. If he wanted to stay stationary, he wouldn't have bothered volunteering for D-Agency. It was as if he'd escaped his previous cage only to be trapped in a bigger one._

_Nonetheless, impatience would get him nowhere as he'd learned. His own talks with Yuuki gleaned him on the current political situation and from what he gathered, someone would be sent out in deep undercover soon. For now, he had to bide his time while trying to ignore how quiet and empty -- how_ lonely _\-- the building had grown._

_It wasn't long before he was called into Yuuki's office, although this time wasn't like the others. Miyoshi approached Yuuki's desk as casually as he possibly could to pick up the manila folder waiting for him. At first glance, it didn't seem like much, but he learned never to make assumptions. And true enough, as he leafed through the pages, he found the contents loaded with information._

_He'd been tasked with creating a spy network in Germany, under the guise of an art dealer named Katsuhiko Maki. The details concerning the persona Yuuki had created for him were bare-bones -- the son of an affluent family (and he nearly snorted as he read this particular detail; who knew Yuuki was one for irony) who'd taken an interest in art -- leaving him enough room to work with it, but Miyoshi was more taken with the list of places and names of potential accomplices. By the looks of it, it certainly wouldn't be a quick and easy job. Miyoshi wouldn't have it any other way._

_"I don't suppose that this is satisfactory enough for you?" Yuuki asked, ever stoic and serious, but teasing like he knew that he'd wanted to get out of this damned building for the longest time._

_Closing the folder with a dramatic_ snap, _Miyoshi smirked and matched Yuuki's gaze._

_"It's child's play. But I'll take it just because you insist."_

_Yuuki returned his smirk with one of his own, as if daring Miyoshi to eat his words._

_With the folder tucked neatly underneath his arm, Miyoshi turned around without another word and left to go prepare for his mission. He had to make sure everything would go without a hitch because, after all, he had to prove to Kaminaga that he was the better spy._

* * *

The way Miyoshi saw Kaminaga the fourth time was not how he expected, but somehow he was just fine with that.

The following forty-eight hours following Monday's mishap saw Miyoshi at his low point. He was present physically, not once breaking the image of perfection he'd built up in public, but he was mentally adrift the whole time. How he'd clear things up, how he could've done things differently (and just _this_ once he was willing to put the blame on himself), and all the other things he'd never told Kaminaga refused to leave his mind, as frustrating as it was. He was not one to stress out about such matters, especially since he didn't know what Kaminaga had seen, but perhaps that was exactly why he was stressed out.

He never got the chance to tell Kaminaga how much he meant to him, nor did he ever say how grateful he was to have him by his side, nor could he let him know how much he loved him. These feelings overwhelmed him so much to the point where the heartache he thought he'd buried long ago washed over him like a flash flood. Believing in that dwelling on the past wouldn't get him anywhere, he'd tried to move on by pursuing a different relationship even if things with Sakuma didn't work out. Nevertheless, he thought it had been a step forward. While the memories of loving Kaminaga had gotten him through tough times, they were of no use if he wasn't by his side. But that changed when he learned that Kaminaga was also alive in this era; all his repressed feelings resurfaced and those were things he didn't want to go unspoken.

If those were things he couldn't say to Kaminaga's face himself, he still wanted them to be known to someone -- anyone. Jitsui, though supportive in his own ways, had his own problems to deal with and so Sakuma just happened to be the lucky person. True to his word, Sakuma kept in contact and Miyoshi unloaded ( _not_ ranted; he was above ranting) all his pent up emotions to him. He told him of all that had happened in the last two weeks, showed him all the things he found about Kaminaga, talked about everything that had happened in the past and what he wished could've been, and all the worries he had presently; if Sakuma were to ever tell others he had an emotional breakdown, Miyoshi would vehemently deny it. But still ever the considerate one, Sakuma listened attentively and offered as much advice and support he could give. "Everything will work out in the end," he'd said.

Sakuma, while well meaning, was useless.

As the days passed by, Miyoshi regained some sense of mental stability. While not optimistic, he'd devised plans for when ("when" and not "if," because he'd be damned if he didn't see Kaminaga again) he saw Kaminaga as Thursday drew nearer. The first was following the situation that he _did_ see them together, and there Miyoshi would approach Kaminaga before he could get a chance to bolt off somewhere because if he was still the same Kaminaga he knew and loved, he'd be playing the avoidance game again. From there, he would dispel any misconceptions he had and address any concerns and if Kaminaga was willing, they could try things again.

The second plan, therefore, followed the situation that he didn't see them together, which would make things easier for him as unlikely as it was. Here, he would make sure to catch Kaminaga first, just to ensure that nothing like last time happened again, and reacquaint himself. Should things go smoothly, he and Kaminaga would be together again.

But in the end, Miyoshi couldn't play out either plan.

It wasn't that he intended to be late, but he'd gotten into a heated argument with his professor over his grade for the last assignment (a _B_ of all things). For what it was worth, he did manage to raise his grade to what it rightfully should've been in the first place, but he hadn't realized how long it took. A look at his watch told him it was past four, meaning that Kaminaga had probably already gone home. Miyoshi's lips twitched thinking about how if that old man of a professor hadn't been so stubborn, he probably would've caught him at the train station.

Miyoshi was in no hurry to go home with that in mind. He walked on autopilot, letting his feet take him wherever as he tried to maintain his nonchalant air. Without a distraction, his thoughts drifted off to the worst scenarios once more -- a world without Kaminaga's smile or Kaminaga's voice or Kaminaga's touch, and such a lonely world that was. Miyoshi often preferred to be on his own, that way he couldn't be disappointed by anyone, but seeing Kaminaga again reminded him of how much he'd hated solitude. He had his friends definitely, and he wouldn't want to give up any of them, but no one had ever understood him like Kaminaga had. The thought of no longer having Kaminaga by his side, no longer having him as a confidant or someone to rely on, brought about that heartache again and he stepped to the side for a moment, lest he suffer an attack right there and then. How embarrassing it would be for others to see him like that.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath in and a deep breath out. As inconspicuous as he tried to be, he heard footsteps approaching and felt a light touch on his shoulder. He dared not get his expectations up, not after last time, but he couldn't say he was disappointed when he cracked open his eyes either.

"Are you all right --" Chestnut brown eyes widened. "-- Miyoshi?!"

"Amari?"

"Oh my God, it's really you!" Amari's face lit up like a child's on Christmas day but fell the longer he looked at Miyoshi. "Seriously, are you okay? You don't look too well."

"It's nothing," Miyoshi said, keeping his breathing in check. He made a mental note to touch up his makeup more often to avoid looking sickly. "I'm just tired, is all."

"Don't push yourself too hard. There's a bench over there, why don't you go sit?"

Miyoshi almost pouted; he wasn't a child who couldn't take care of himself. But still, with Amari looking at him with those worried eyes of his, he complied and let him lead him towards the bench.

"It’s funny, I didn't really expect to run into you like this," Amari said, taking a seat next to him.

"Likewise."

"But I was kinda wondering about you, though. Kaminaga --" Amari winced and Miyoshi resisted the urge to flinch. In a softer voice, Amari continued. "-- said that you were around also..."

Miyoshi let a beat pass, trying to recollect his thoughts and approach the topic as best he could.

"Well, here I am," he said, failing to keep up his usual smug attitude. He swallowed hard. "How is Kaminaga?"

"He's, uh, well -- how do I put this?" Amari sighed, his fingers steepled together. "Do you know that he saw you with Sakuma on Monday?"

Miyoshi frowned. It was just as he thought.

"I had a feeling."

"Kaminaga's been really down about it." When Miyoshi didn't respond, he continued speaking. "He ate all the chips in the house, y'know?" he said in some sort of attempt to lighten up the mood which would've been nice and well if he'd stopped there. He sucked in his breath, turning away from Miyoshi as his shoulders slumped.

"And he hasn't really been home much these past two days," Amari said and Miyoshi's stomach twisted. "He says he's been out doing a project for his class, but he smells like alcohol. I don't think he's getting enough sleep either --"

"Okay, I get it!" Miyoshi snapped. He didn't want to hear anymore. To think that _he_ was the reason that Kaminaga, who was usually so full of life -- who'd given _him_ a meaning to his life, was doing all of that to himself made Miyoshi sick.

"Is it true then? That you're dating Sakuma?"

"No, I'm not," he answered immediately. "I did date him, but that was a year ago. Back when I thought I'd never see you all again." _Back when I thought I'd never see Kaminaga again_ was the implied statement.

"I see." Amari paused. "Then, do you still have feelings for Kaminaga?"

"Of course I do," Miyoshi said with no hesitation. It was like asking if the Earth revolved around the sun or if Odagiri couldn't live a day without his phone -- an undeniable fact.

Amari's expression relaxed a bit, though he still looked at him with wariness.

"Not that I doubt you, but if that's the case, why haven't you contacted him yet?"

"That's a fair question." He took a breath. "I just want to see him in person first."

Amari's eyes and nose crinkled, a teasing smile on his face.

"How romantic of you."

Miyoshi opened his mouth to retort back, fighting back the heat he felt rushing up to his cheeks, but Amari stopped him with an apologetic look.

"Ah, hold on just a minute. I got a text," he said as he took his phone out. From what Miyoshi could see, there were no new messages but Amari quickly angled his phone away before he could see anything more. While suspecting that he was up to something, Miyoshi still played along.

"Take your time."

"Say, where are you headed?" Amari asked, briefly looking up at him.

"I was going home before I saw you."

"To the train station then?"

"Yes."

Amari finished typing one last thing before flashing a huge grin to Miyoshi.

"I'm headed the same way," he said, standing up and taking Miyoshi's hand. "Let's walk together."

Before Miyoshi could respond, he pulled him up and began running.

"Whoa, Amari --" Miyoshi tugged at his hand, forcing him to slow down. "What's the hurry?"

"Oh, nothing," Amari said in that way that implied it was anything but. Miyoshi merely raised an eyebrow at him, adjusting his fringe as they fell into a more reasonable pace. He could only guess what Amari was up to but he didn't want to get his hopes up. "So tell me, how've you been?"

In his search for Kaminaga, Miyoshi had nearly forgotten how much he'd missed the others as well. Hearing Amari talk about his life with Tazaki, Kaminaga's antics, and Hatano's cheeky attitude made him realize just how lacking it was without the other half of D-Agency -- the livelier half, if he were to say so himself, not that he meant to undermine his appreciation for the ones he'd already reunited with. It wasn't something he'd ever voice out loud, but to know that they were alive and well was also comforting. One day, he thought, it'd be nice to be with all of them again.

As they passed the turnstiles, Amari claimed to have gotten another message. His eyes bugged out as he read it and he sent a quick text back before grabbing Miyoshi's arm and pulling him along in a rush yet again.

"The train's here, don't wanna miss it!" He said in an awfully cheery tone. Miyoshi swore he was gonna make Amari pay for every drop of sweat that he secreted today.

Just as he said, the train was in the station though it didn't look like it'd be there for much longer. Miyoshi could already hear his heart beating in his ears, feel his heart pounding against his chest, and he'd nearly forced Amari to stop again until he caught sight of who was on the train. On board, hurrying to meet them, was Kaminaga. Miyoshi didn't think his heart could beat any faster. Ripping his arm from Amari's hold, he sped up. His body be damned -- just a few more steps and he could finally reach him. Closer and closer, he could literally jump into Kaminaga's arms at this distance but just as they met halfway, the doors slammed shut, cutting them off abruptly.

Although vaguely aware of his state of disarray, Miyoshi couldn't care less for his reflection at the moment because staring at him from behind the window was Kaminaga. He had that dumb look on his face, that one he got when caught off guard -- his mouth agape and eyes as big as the full moon, emphasizing the olive hue in his eyes -- and Miyoshi would've been amused if he wasn't starstruck himself. As if the barrier between them didn't exist, Miyoshi reached out to him, to touch him and hold him again, but was instead met with the flat coldness of the window. Kaminaga had mirrored his move, their palms meeting against the glass; if he imagined hard enough, Miyoshi could feel the warmth and callouses of Kaminaga's hand, could feel how his fingers fit perfectly in the spaces in between his own. But it was then that the train started moving and Kaminaga was out of his grasp once again.

Beside him, Amari sighed, reminding Miyoshi of his existence.

"Ah, so much for my surprise."

"You could've just told me about it instead of making me run around like a madman." As harsh as Miyoshi's words were, there was no bite to them.

Amari sheepishly rubbed his neck.

"It means a lot more when you don't expect it, don't you think?"

Miyoshi merely hummed his agreement, watching the train grow smaller in the distance. Even now, he could still feel Kaminaga's warmth on his hand and somehow that made missing him once again a little more bearable.

"Hey," Amari said.

"Yes?"

"I know I'm no Kaminaga, but why don't we exchange email addresses? It doesn't hurt to keep in touch with an old friend, does it?"

It certainly didn't. While Kaminaga would have ideally been the one he wanted to share his email with first, he couldn't deny Amari either. Besides, this just meant he was a step closer to Kaminaga.

With a smirk on his face, Miyoshi took his phone out.

"I don't see why not."

* * *

When Miyoshi got home, he was greeted with an empty apartment. It was no surprise since Jitsui had texted him earlier saying that he would be home late, but the silence was jarring after having spent the afternoon with Amari chatting his ears off.

"I'm home," he said to no one in particular as he took his shoes off and set his belongings down.

A quiet and empty house was nothing new to him anyways, something he'd even been intimately familiar at one point; it was just a matter of finding something to distract himself with in the meantime. Though he considered getting some studying done, he thought that it'd been a while since he indulged himself. Painting sounded rather relaxing, plus it was something his father greatly disapproved of -- a win-win for him.

After finding a canvas and paints, his phone buzzed. He expected an update from Jitsui, but it turned out to be from Amari. While he couldn't say that it was unwelcome, he didn't think Amari would message him so soon.

Miyoshi furrowed his eyebrows as he read the text. Though they threw around ideas of meeting up again, and even a reunion of sorts among the eight of them, they hadn't made any solid plans. He thought back to their conversation, trying to recall any other details he might've overlooked. He did remember Amari saying he lived with Tazaki and --

Oh.

Right.

Looking back at the text, Miyoshi smiled. He wasted no further time in replying.

  


Kaminaga replied back quickly, this time with a winking emoji. Miyoshi rolled his eyes, as if Kaminaga could see him, though his smile only grew wider. He decided not to reply back, saving the rest for when he finally saw Kaminaga face-to-face. He had so much to tell him then, things that couldn't fit in text.

Setting his phone down, Miyoshi looked back to the empty canvas. Inspiration had hit him, and he would be needing greens and olive browns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, the finale...!! It's already written up for the most part, but I'm still not quite satisfied with it orz I'm shooting to have it up by Sunday, but *cries* uni's back in session so most likely it'll be up next week ^^
> 
> Things to expect: light angst in the past; lots of sappiness, lots of PDA, lots of sappy PDA in the present (∗∕ ∕•̥̥̥̥∕ω∕•̥̥̥̥∕)
> 
> Anyways, thank you guys so much for reading so far, your support really means a lot to me!! ~~look at me getting sappy already lololol~~ But really, thank you so much and I hope you all have a lovely day/night!! (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) ♡


	9. Miyoshi & Kaminaga: Finally Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and me, we live forever more.  
> I would follow you, my destiny.  
> \- [Déjà Vu](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L_ym7LUD_gs)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):  
> w-we did it kids...!! the finale...!!!!!!
> 
> Wow I honestly can't believe I made this far ehehe I'm gonna save all my sappy crying + stuff about the spinoff for the end notes, but I just wanted to thank you guys so much for reading this far!! I hope you guys enjoy~! (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

_Out of all the things D-Agency prepared Miyoshi for, getting impaled by a steel beam wasn't one of them._

_Certainly he'd experienced worse pains, like the soreness after swimming in the ocean with his clothes on in the dead winter's night or purposely breaking his arm for the sake of a lesson. If not for all the blood_ _staining his white dress shirt red or how breathing became more laborious with each passing second, he could've dismissed the pressure on his chest as slight discomfort, barely even a two on a pain scale of ten. But as his extremities grew colder and his limbs became numb, his eyelids heavier and his hearing more strained, Miyoshi would've rather wanted excruciating pain than this nothingness he was slipping into._

 _It would have been so easy to let death come and take him right now, but he still had something left to do. His mission didn't end until Yuuki got hold of the microfilm and Miyoshi wasn't one to leave things unfinished. Smirking, he soaked his fingers in his blood, much like a child would with paint for a finger painting, and marked where the microfilm was in his collar. Satisfied with that, his arm dropped down with a lifeless_ thud _; it wasn't like he'd be needing it anymore anyways._

_Thus, Miyoshi’s last role to play was that of a corpse -- ever still and ever calm, as if death had taken him by surprise like many of the others littered in the rubble. He leaned his head back against the wreckage, staring up at the broken ceiling of his train car. Only the holes from the crash allowed him to see the gray sky beyond the ruins that entrapped him, though even that was meaningless with everything fading away into blackness. He supposed what they said was true, that hearing was the last sense to go as one died, for the roaring, autumn winds were the only things he could make out -- his only company as he died._

_There were no similarities to be had, but it was almost as if he could hear the others from D-Agency as the winds rushed passed his ears. Sentimentality was for fools, but maybe just this once he wanted to be one. In his last moments, he could picture the Cultural Society at its liveliest, where all ten of them had been together; eight like-minded men -- not necessarily friends -- brought together by an enigmatic spymaster alongside the lieutenant ordered to watch over them. Dare he say it, but it was the closest thing to a home he'd ever had. Companionship, understanding, and trust were all things that he'd only found in one person before he'd volunteered for D-Agency but now even that was long gone. Even if he'd survived his mission and went back, those days had ended years ago; all he had left now was that black, empty solitude Yuuki had warned them about and how naive it was of him to make light of it back then._

_Still now, as the faces of the others faded away, one remained bright and strong -- a light as his world grew darker and darker. If Kaminaga wasn't allowed to be his first thought when confronted with disaster, then surely he could be his last. It would be a lie if Miyoshi said he'd die with no regrets for there was one last thing he wished to do, and that was to see Kaminaga one last time. If he'd known that the day Kaminaga set off for London was truly their last moment together, he would've liked to have given him a proper goodbye: "Thank you," "I love you," and "Don't catch up" because Kaminaga deserved to live a long life even if it was without him. Instead he'd told him "Don't keep me waiting," but now he supposed that_ he _was the one keeping_ him _waiting. Miyoshi did not believe in any higher beings, no afterlife nor samsara, but it was truly a pretty thought to think that one day they could be reunited and he could finally tell him all the things he couldn't say before._

_With that one last thought in mind -- of a world where he could always see Kaminaga's grin, hear the sound of his laughter, and feel the warmth of his touch -- Miyoshi breathed his last and drifted off into an eternal rest._

* * *

Miyoshi hated dreaming of his death because not only did it leave him sleepless with the phantom pains of the steel beam piercing his chest, but they seemed to forebode bad days. He'd dreamed of the numbness that took over his body the day his cat went missing, never to be found again; he'd dreamed of the dull throbbing in his chest the day his mother had succumbed to her illness; and he'd dreamed of the heartache of his one last wish the day he broke up with Sakuma. Now he was not a superstitious person, but when he woke up Monday morning with the train crash fresh on his mind, Miyoshi braced himself for the worst.

With Jitsui already out the house, there was little to take his mind off the sinking feeling that spread throughout his stomach, but Miyoshi paid it no mind. He went about his morning routine as he usually did, applying a little more makeup than usual to cover up his eye bags, and left the house as normal. The one thing keeping him sane now was the text he received a few days ago, one that he read more times than he'd like to admit -- "i'll see u soon." And even now, he could imagine Kaminaga saying it, along with a wink and a grin. Kaminaga always kept to his word and he trusted him, and so Miyoshi kept his head high as he made his way to the train station.

Even as he walked onto the platform and saw no sign of Kaminaga yet, his steps did not falter. He'd arrived a bit early anyways and he just needed to give him some time.

Even as he walked the perimeter to make absolutely sure that he wasn't there (and he wasn't), he kept his stride. Minutes passed and the train would be here soon, but surely Kaminaga would be there.

And Miyoshi would've liked to say that he remained calm even as he saw the train approaching in the distance, but the reality was that his worry grew with each second that Kaminaga wasn't there.

But still, Miyoshi believed in Kaminaga and so he waited until the last possible minute for him. The crowd had already dispersed as the people had clamored to board the train, leaving him the only one in the area. The doors were set to close any moment now, but he hovered in the in-between of the train and the platform, surveying the area once more only to be met with nothing.

His lips curled down as he thought about Kaminaga's whereabouts, wondering if he was all right or if anything had happened to him. Perhaps he'd gotten sick and couldn't make it. Or maybe something worse had happened. Miyoshi shook that particular thought away; he couldn't afford to think like that. He reached for his phone in his pocket, the idea of texting Amari about Kaminaga looking tempting, but it was rather late for that now. He couldn't waste any more time and so he stepped onto the train completely, but not before taking one last look at the train platform. Again, he was met with nothing and he sighed as he found a seat for himself.

Though he'd expected to catch sight of him a fifth time, Miyoshi did not see Kaminaga.

* * *

_Kaminaga waited one year for Miyoshi's return._

_During that year, he would practice what he'd tell Miyoshi upon his arrival whenever he had the chance, wanting to weave a story for him -- one that would enrapture him, pull him in, and of course prove to him that he was the better spy as he detailed his capture, interrogation, and escape in London. He'd rehearse the exact tone of his voice, right down to the pitch, and even the gestures to accompany his words. The whole endeavor reminded him of when they were children, when he'd act things out that Miyoshi wasn't allowed to experience himself. But it seemed that all his efforts were for naught when he got news of Miyoshi's death instead of the man himself._

_A train crash, Yuuki had told him in that cold voice of his, before giving him his own assignment. He was told little else about Miyoshi, only that he'd completed his mission. Just this once, Kaminaga had to hand it to him -- there was no way he could top that. Normally he'd accept his loss with the prospect of having the opportunity to beat Miyoshi another day, but there would be no next time and that made Kaminaga all the more bitter._

_He wondered, as the freezing autumn air hit him once he stepped onto the rooftop, if Miyoshi felt as numb as he did now as he died, if he had any regrets, if he had any last wishes. A man such as he didn't deserve to have his life cut short like that, but he supposed it was a fitting end for someone as grandiose as Miyoshi had been ("_ Had _been.” Kaminaga would never get used to that). He could only imagine Miyoshi laying alone in the wreckage -- bruised, battered, and bloody but somehow Kaminaga knew that he was the most beautiful being even as a corpse. Oh, the things he would give for Miyoshi to be here now. He would trade even his own life for his; the world would be uglier without Miyoshi to grace its presence._

 _To think, he was supposed to carry on as if Miyoshi had never existed. Kaminaga was starting to question his decision of becoming_ _a spy for once. As he looked up now, the night sky was as black as the void in his heart with not even the stars present to illuminate it. There were no sounds to be heard, save for the phantoms of Miyoshi's voice in his head. Not even a cigarette could warm the bitter numbness he felt now. He wanted nothing more than to be with his beloved, to turn back time and protect him from whatever dangers would befall him. However, he couldn't wallow in his sorrows nor dwell on what could've been forever; if Miyoshi could see him now, he'd call him pathetic and Kaminaga couldn't have that, now could he?_

_And so, Kaminaga decided, if he wasn't allowed to remember Miyoshi freely, he would honor him by continuing their line of duty. While there was no meaning in trying to be the best anymore, he would do more than what was expected of him and if one day he should meet Miyoshi again -- be it in the afterlife or in another life, as foolish as it sounded -- he would tell him all about it._

_Despite his new resolve, Kaminaga felt no lighter as he went back inside the building. What was waiting for him was not the one whom he longed to see but four other men who also weren't allowed to grieve for the one they'd just lost. Kaminaga couldn't fathom forcing a smile onto his face in this empty world without Miyoshi._

* * *

Kaminaga didn't mean to oversleep, but it was as if his dream -- his nightmare -- had entrapped him in a paralysis. That always seemed to be the case when he remembered the worst day of his life, a state where he was entrapped by the sorrows that weighed him down and shaken up by the things he'd never got to say. It was only when Tazaki shook him awake that he was finally able to regain his bearings and, as lethargic and hollow as he felt, he wasted no time jumping out of bed. Today was Monday, and he wouldn't keep Miyoshi waiting any longer.

In his rush, he ran into several people and nearly got hit by a car (it was his light anyways so that guy could go screw himself), but somehow he made it to the train station -- barely alive, but still kicking. As he checked the time, he continued his mad dash up the stairs and saw that the platform was empty with the train just about ready to leave. The doors were still open, but Kaminaga couldn't afford to wait around. He wasn't sure which car Miyoshi was in -- or if he was in any of them at all -- but he followed his instincts and sped off in the direction of the one closest to him, catching the doors with his bare hands before they shut completely and prying them back open.

He received glares from the other passengers, to which he bowed his head apologetically as he walked on. Behind him, the doors closed again and he took a moment to catch his breath as he surveyed the car. It wasn't too crowded, which was good, but his disappointment grew with each unfamiliar face he passed over. For a moment, he began to think that he'd probably missed Miyoshi once more, but then he looked over to the other end of the car and his breathing hitched.

For the fifth time, Kaminaga saw Miyoshi -- and this time nothing would stop him.

In the corner was Miyoshi, sitting with his head resting against the wall and his eyes closed like Sleeping Beauty awaiting her prince's kiss. As tempting as that was, however, Kaminaga wanted to greet him properly. Staring at him from where he was, Kaminaga tried to figure out what he would say to him and when it hit him, he put on his most charming smile and began walking over. Each step seemed to drag on and on and his palms became clammy; once he'd thought this feeling was nervousness, but he'd decided now that this feeling was anticipation and it only grew as he neared Miyoshi. The closer and closer he got, the better he could see the highlights in his hair, the way his golden eye shadow shimmered in the sunlight, and his red, red lips slightly parted. How he wanted to reach out and touch him, to push back his hair and get a better look at him, but he couldn't -- not just yet.

Holding onto the hand railing, Kaminaga swallowed hard as he settled in front of Miyoshi. He'd yet to open his eyes, which he figured was better for him because that way he could surprise him, the corners of his lips turning up at the thought of it. Kaminaga took a breath, opened his mouth and --

\-- whatever he was going to say was cut off as the train lurched forward.

He lost his grip on the railing and his hands flew forward to break his fall, one hand slamming the wall above Miyoshi's head and the other clutching Miyoshi's shoulder; his knee landed on Miyoshi's lap, the other leg outstretched to prevent himself from falling any further. It was a little closer than Kaminaga had intended for their second first meeting, but he wasn't complaining. At this proximity, he could see the specks of red in Miyoshi's fox-like eyes as they snapped open, see the way his shoulders hunched up ever so slightly as he inhaled sharply, and the way his brows raised as he looked up at him -- the rare sight of Miyoshi caught off guard. Kaminaga wished he had his camera on him to take a picture of such a cute visage.

Miyoshi's eyes traveled up and down his body and Kaminaga stood still underneath his gaze, taking Miyoshi in as well with bated breath. As Miyoshi’s eyes returned to his face and locked onto his own pair, he reached out to touch him as if to make sure that was actually there.

"Hey," Kaminaga finally said, his voice soft.

A moment passed where Miyoshi traced the contours of his face -- over his cheek bones, lips, and nose -- with his thumb, the sensation igniting a fire within Kaminaga that he hadn't felt in years. Then Miyoshi narrowed his eyes at him, the corners crinkling, and pinched his cheek.

"Ow, what --"

"You're late," Miyoshi said, a slight shakiness in his voice but the haughtiness he was familiar with still there.

Kaminaga blinked as he let his words sink in and then chuckled, the pain from the pinch nothing compared to the happiness bubbling up inside him.

"And you're stunning."

Miyoshi rolled his eyes, but his lips quirked up nonetheless.

"Do you intend on standing like that the whole time?" Miyoshi asked, swatting the arm above him, pulling off the one on his shoulder, and taking both of his hands in his. Miyoshi's hands were just as warm as he remembered. "People are staring."

"I thought you liked it when everyone was looking at you," Kaminaga said, but he complied and took the seat next to him, their bodies angled towards each other and their knees touching.

"Yes, at _me_. Not the idiot hovering over me."

"Wow." Kaminaga gave an exaggerated pout. "I'm really feeling the love."

"Is that so?" Miyoshi cocked his head to the side. "That's rather disappointing, considering I haven't even shown you my love yet."

"Hm?"

Letting go of his hands, Miyoshi cupped Kaminaga's face and pulled him closer. From this angle, Kaminaga could make out each eyelash of Miyoshi's as his eyelids lowered, a bit longer than he remembered, and the dip of the bridge of Miyoshi's nose -- both of them details Kaminaga reacquainted himself with. Miyoshi paused briefly, his hot breath tickling his skin, before kissing him. Kaminaga had almost forgotten how soft Miyoshi's lips were, and his eyes fluttered closed as he lost himself in the feeling -- the feeling of sweetness, like an overdue greeting after a long goodbye. It ended far too quickly for Kaminaga's liking, though the dazed look on Miyoshi's face as he pulled away made up for it.

"...You're right, you haven't." Kaminaga said, leaning in closer. "Maybe you could try one more time?"

Miyoshi let out an exasperated sigh, but his thumbs caressed his face gently as if he were to be handled with the utmost care.

"Then listen to me and listen to me closely, okay?"

"I'm listening."

"Then, Kaminaga?" Miyoshi said, and shivers ran down Kaminaga’s spine at the sound of his name. He hadn't realized how much he missed hearing it said in Miyoshi's sweet, sensual voice.

"Yeah?"

Taking a breath, Miyoshi licked his lips before speaking again.

"I love you."

They were three simple syllables, three simple words composed of eight letters, but hearing them was the best thing Kaminaga had ever heard in any lifetime. He'd longed to hear those words ever since he could remember -- the verbal affirmation that Miyoshi cared for him, wanted him, _loved_ him, and Kaminaga couldn't help but grin so wide that his cheeks hurt. Kaminaga placed his hands atop Miyoshi's, his fingers curling around them and reveling in that rough smooth feeling he adored.

"That's funny because, Miyoshi?"

"Yes?"

Leaning in even closer so that their faces were practically only millimeters apart, Kaminaga tilted his head and their noses brushed against each others, the warmth of Miyoshi's breath breezing against his skin, and Miyoshi watched him closely with half-lidded eyes.

"I love you, too."

Closing the distance between them, Kaminaga pressed a kiss against Miyoshi's lips and he could feel Miyoshi smile into it. Kaminaga's hand snaked around Miyoshi's waist, their legs tangling together as he held him closer. Likewise, Miyoshi's hands dropped from his face and his arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him in as he deepened the kiss -- the feeling of passion, like the demand of "don't ever leave me again" after decades spent separated from each other. Breaking apart, he rested his forehead against Miyoshi's and they gazed at each other as they caught hold of their breaths.

"If you love me," Miyoshi said after a moment, a teasing lilt in his tone. "Do you remember what you promised me?"

Of course Kaminaga did. But he wanted to have a little fun, too.

"Sounds familiar..." Kaminaga's nose scrunched up. "Jog my memory a little bit?"

Miyoshi pulled back and crossed his arms, an amused look on his face. Just as always, he could see right through his act.

"Does 'London' ring any bells?"

"Kind of." He hummed, as if pretending to think about it. "My memory's a little rusty, I'm afraid."

"That's a shame." Miyoshi turned away, puffing his chest out and holding his chin high. "I suppose I'm the better spy by default then."

Kaminaga's jaw dropped as Miyoshi's side-eyed him, that smirk of his that Kaminaga had missed so much growing on his face. Well, if he wanted to play that way, he was more than happy to oblige him.

"Actually," Kaminaga said, wrapping his arm around Miyoshi's neck. "I think it's coming back to me now."

"Oh?" Miyoshi rested his head on his shoulder and scooted closer towards him, their hands finding each other. He looked up at him with earnest, his eyes sparkling with genuine interest. "Do tell."

There was a time long ago when Kaminaga had rehearsed everything he'd tell Miyoshi about his mission in London, practicing every word and every gesture so Miyoshi could experience what he had. In this moment, however, Kaminaga found that he couldn’t recall a single thing that he’d practiced. But it was no matter, because now they had all the time in the world to catch up with each other. Not one to leave Miyoshi waiting, Kaminaga grinned and started with the first thing that came to mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> later on, kaminaga's insta was flooded with pics of miyoshi and all his fangirls were like "who's this??????" to which he said "mY BOYFRIEND :DDDD"  
> (kidding, but not really haha)
> 
> Anyways, that wraps this up! I really want to write something like... heartfelt and meaningful here, but I, too, find myself at a loss for words haha Honestly, just like thank you guys so much for reading -- whether you've been here since the beginning or just started, silent reader or not -- it really means so much that you guys read this!! This is the first multi-chapter I've ever finished and there were a lot of times where I wanted to give up or just felt not good enough, but aah I dunno, just knowing you guys are there really kept me going ;v; Gosh, and to think that was just meant to be a oneshot ;u; Really, thank you guys so much!!
> 
> So ahem, anyways to stuff that you guys probably care about more lolol
> 
> I will be doing the HataJitsu spinoff! I meant to finish this earlier and get the spinoff out sooner, but ah life happens orz but I'm currently working on it!! It runs concurrently to this fic, which kinda explains the lack of Hatano and Jitsui here, and we'll be seeing those two suffer as they also try to have their own reunion :') It'll be entitled "Long Dream" (lol more TWEWY references) and I hope to get the first chapter up sometime in February ^^ And sort of related, after I finish that, I was kinda planning on doing a sort of series focusing on the reincarnated spies growing up in the modern world that eventually ends with everyone reuniting :o but that won't be for some time haha
> 
> Also!! Not related to any of this at all, but possibly you guys would be interested??? I'm planning on writing an AnoHana inspired (veeeeery loosely inspired lol) AU ^o^ It won't be up for a while since I'm still working out some of the kinks and finer details and such ~~so feel free to scream ur ideas at me~~ but I do hope to get to it! I don't really have a title for it yet, but the basic premise goes as this: Sakuma gets haunted by a certain ghost and as he tries to help him pass on, Sakuma gets involved in the lives of some of his classmates and somehow this ghost is tied into the whole mess (I am also trying to find a proper summary lmao anyways). But yeah, that's just something else to look forward to possibly hehe ^^
> 
> So I guess that's about all I want to say! Thank you all again so much for reading!!! I hope you all have an amazing day/night and happy Lunar New Year to anyone celebrating~! (*´꒳`*)❤

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to let me know what you think in the comments, on [tumblr](http://dollofdeath.tumblr.com), or [twitter](https://twitter.com/nighthawkstars), or whatever honestly haha thank you so much for reading again and I hope you have a lovely day/night~! （●´∀｀）ノ♡


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